Spot 'round the block

4th time

2008-03-20T08:51:00.000+05:30

Its the 4th time that i have started a blog post with 'its been ages'... so hear goes... its been ages!
I havent been doing this regularly and thats something to worry about cause i normally pride myself in how much i persevere with useless things. Like beating a game in record time or writing the longest program in history and so on.

I am of course feeling very very depressed these days and its all the fault of Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May... the blokes from Top Gear. They introduced me to the love of my life and now... i feel empty.

The Bugatti Veyron. A car, an absolutely amazing machine. 0-100 Kmph in 2.5 seconds. Yes 2.5. Its like being in an F1 car. :)

Its not the most beautiful car on the planet, but it is very very fast and very desirable... and its been built by the same guys who make the golf. VW isnt a super car brand name... or so i thought.

I am a little more impressed by the humor in top gear...

"And tonight we have been told to feature more greener cars, so we are going to show you the greenest car every (points at a green lamborgini)"
or..
"we have had numerous complaints about not showing affordable cars on the show, so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari ever!"

Ah well... i want to one maybe 2 of these cars. So i need to make a lot of money. I'm 22 now; to be able to enjoy these fast cars... i need to get one by 30. So i need to make a lot of money really fast.

Thats all the motivation i need to become a carjacker... or a bank robber or any such thing. But I on the other hand have chosen not to stary away from the path that i have been on so long... the one where you dont kill you boss just because he's nasty... the one where you dont break the law for any freaking reason you can find...

And so... i am going to use the one talent (up for debate) i have and convert that into Porche's and Lamborgini's... and maybe a Bugatti along the way.

I am going to switch careers and become a writer.

Hallows was too Hollow.

2007-07-30T16:20:00.000+05:30

The Deathly Hallows was Hollow... it was too much hype and sadly Rowling failed to captivate me. Sure i ran upto Landmark(uh... exaggeration; rode to it) and spent hours waiting for the shop to open (uh... exaggeration again... waited just 30 mins) and all for a 600+ page book that took like 8 hrs to finish (exaggeration... took abt 14 hrs... had fallen asleep in the middle)

Was it worht it though???

NAH!!!

Spoilers ahead... so dont read if u dont want to;

One: Harry is a Horcrux... Wow... what a surprise... yawn.

Two: Snape loves Lily... Wow... what a surprise... bigger yawn

Three: Elder Wand rubbish... Nonsense considering there was no logic behind Draco winning the Elder Wand from Dumbledore... and Harry getting it from Draco... so like... if a wizard snatches a wand from another wizards... viola... the loyalty of the Wand is decided... Thats like the BIG BULLY rule of Wand hadling... thingy rubbish watse of perfectly usable toilet paper.

Four: What was the whole affair at the Ministry for? A waste of time... Exactly.

Five: Battles (duels) by wands have never been Rowling's strong point... but she had out done herself in Hallows...
Fred Died? What the hell did he doe of? And Lupin? What the hell? Half the deaths were unnecessary... Colin Creevy... Excuse me while i Puke...

ah... much better.

So where was i?Yes;

Six: Mrs. Weasely kills Bellatrix... that was even more rubbish. It was a gigantic waste. Simply to save Weasely's grace maybe... she was too much of a caring mummy for the msot of the book that never exlained why she was on the OOTP
Aberforth was a waste as well btw.

Seven: Dobby's death was actually the most tragic in the book. The only time i felt sorry for a dying character... most were wasted... this guy... well...
But Kreacher... that was a complete waste!!!

Wasnt it always clear that RAB took Kreacher on the boat? And the bit i had never liked... a horcrux... in the Black Family House... displayed on a shelf???

I mean WTF?

In Potter 5; the locket was found in house cleaning... not in some secret spot. So Kreacher; since he couldnt destroy the locket... put the locket on display in the house? Where did Mrs. Rowling's brains go for vacation i'd like to know!!

Eight: Potter Lived...
Right that wasnt half as bad as making him 17+19 years old and having a son named Albus Severus. I would choke myself to death had my name been something like that.

Nine: Severus Snape was so in love with Lily that he wanted to see her eyes in his dying moments. He was... always trying to protect harry... he was such a good guy... too good. It was a bit too much in the end. Especially the bit where we come to see that he has the same Patronous as Lily Potters. If soemthing was supposed to kill the story... this one buried it and sang a hymm to match.

Ten: 600 pages?
Miss Rowling... your story could have been done in 300.

Thanks dear reader....

Feel free to agree with me.
If you want to disagree...

Go Cry somewhere else.. Cause i am re-writing this book... and in my version... Harry will die.

The War of the Consoles

2007-07-30T16:16:00.000+05:30

So its like this:
The Xbox 360 Vs the Playstation 3
Yes; the 360 is cheaper; but the PS3 has Blue Ray.
Yes; the 360 has Gears of War; but PS3 has F1 (it always has F1)

PS3 is simply great to look at and for the price; lets face it; its well worth it. Is going for the 360 wiser? (Cost wise maybe... Halo wise... maybe!!! but PS3 has a extra thing going for it. Its a Play Station!!)
PS2 was the most widely sold cosole in the world. The graphics processor of the PS3 does some pretty cool things(mostly for optimizing performance)
Is the 360 really better in that department? Maybe Not.

What am i getting this December?

The Playstation 3!

Its all about them Consoles

2007-07-30T16:07:00.000+05:30

It gives me great pleasure to annouce that i am back. I was lost/preumsed having a very good time (which as a matter of fact i was not) for the last two months. On May 15th, i travelled to Melbourne for 2 months. Notice i said Melbourne and not Australia. The reason being it was a business trip and strictly business was conducted. No fooling around and sight seeing only when i had the time, which was almost never.

Lets not get carried away though, while it was an exhousing 2 months, i had fun as well. I learnt more about what i was doing. Earned respect and well... hate to say it... actually became quite nerdy!

Made some nice friends as well... and not all of them were pretty 23-25 year old females.
Some were very old men who reminded me... (uh) of my future self. ( Wow... i would love to see that happening... seeing as the guy earned a thousand dollars a day )

Melbounre is a small city. Its nice. The number of Asians will initially surprise most. But Melbounre isnt really fun. Its not like Singapore (which i spent a whole 17 hrs at) and it has never held the charm that New York holds for me (sure that charm will be washed out of New York by the first guy who mugs me; and in this regard Melbounre was really safe)

However; all said and done. Hard work seems to be infectious. I got the kick out of working and well hate to say it... even enjoyed it. To the Limit.

And i might be going back. (Almost certain... but dont count your hens/chicks/thingy before they hatch.

Its been a while...

2007-04-11T22:56:00.000+05:30

Imagine my surprise... Sep 14... that was my last post. Well... i have been busy... is that a good excuse?

Well... since i am going to be more active on

http://splblock.spaces.live.com

hence... goodbye!

Virginia Woolf

2006-09-14T18:24:00.000+05:30

Dear Leonard.

To look life in the face... Always to look life in the face and to know it for what it is, At last to know it...
To love it for what it is, and then, to put it away.
Leonard. Always the years between us. Always the years. Always the love.
Always the hours.

Virginia Woolf

Start of a New day...

2006-09-13T17:03:00.000+05:30

Vrooooooooooom!

well... not exactly. Thats not how my day begins...
tee-tee-tee-teet
tee-tee-tee-teet
tee-tee-tee-teet

'Aw shucks!'

Bang!

tee-

And a comfortable night comes to an end. Well... the comfortable part is a bit imaginary and the alarm clock wasnt blown to bits ot anything. But the important thing here is the sequence of events. This actually is a bit surprising since i nevertheless manage to arrive on time day after day!!!
It must be that i step into the eddies in the space time or something. And eddy doesnt like that much (:p) Log Live Douglas Adams!!!

Oh and Pratchett. The God.

Well... i have had a few new developments.
I got certified in Cognos ReportNet 1.1 Product User and got the certificate today.
That is good. I actually gave the exam thrice to pass it. (;p)
it was hard. it was a bit wierd experience watchign my brain the size of a plant (another Adams reference) to succumb to the harsh realities that this product was simply dumb.
Well... anyway. I got through and now i am concentrating on a Teradata Certification.

Job is a mess. Well... it will be once it really begins. Currently its low level design of cryptic procedures that do unknown things in the database.
Yadda yadda yadda... blah blah blah

I got myself a new sister. Ya... brand new folks!
Everyone i meet tends to make me her bro...
so one more umm... well... lets now go into that...

and i read three major practchett works..
Feet of Clay
Nigth Watch
Monstrous Regiment

cooooool

with that...
its a A-ok captain
Sails A-hoy!
Hup hup hup
BYE!!!!!!!!!!!

A new poem

2006-08-22T20:36:00.000+05:30

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
My hair is all wrung up
The knowledge is too real

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
My hands all sweaty
ooh the chill that i feel

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
My thoughts all confused
It seems so surreal

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
My friends aske me
Hey there, what's the deal

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
Tell me where to look
I need find my heart and heal

A smile on my lips
A secret to conceal
You guessed the secret my dear
But its whom i love that i wont reveal

Missing Music

2006-07-28T17:42:00.000+05:30

All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon...

My madness abt Pink Foyd has run over the last couple of years... Initially it was 'We dont need no education' while later it got more numb and later still i came back to life... it has been a great journey of sorts... where floyd made me realise just what i was missing by not drinking...
See... their music is best heard when you are drunk, some paranoid fans say that... for me... well... a clear mind perhaps made differentiate between some of the guitar chords... :P

The reason i talk of floyd now is that i miss it more than ever. Am in office see... work work work. Fine mayeb not as drastic as that. No real work sone and far lesser planned... but the bottom line is that i have been cut off from music for more than 2 MONTHS!!!

Even to an idiot... to a paranoid heartless fool... even to him this amout of time is a wee bit too much...

Oh sure... i hum a load of
'Saying i love you... is not the things i want to hear from you...
Its not that i want to...
not to say but if you only knew...
How easy... it would be to show me... how you feel??
More than words...'

That was by Extreme by the way... nto floyd...
Neways...while i might sing that over and over again... sometimes you just need to listen to the tracks!!!

Another one in my head right now is...
We'll be fighting in the streets
With our children at our feet
And the morals that they worship will be gone
And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgement of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again!!!

Oh awesome song... the guitar riffs are still in my mind when i start going down the free bird road...

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause theres too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

yikes!!! look at the time!!!
Have been typing all this and the time is there to rush...
So ta-ta my loced ones... and those that i hate... (smug smile) cant live withput me can you???

Se ya all...
And untill next time...

Free... as a bird...
Is the next best thing to be..
Free as a bird...

As a wise man once said...

2006-07-16T14:24:00.000+05:30

Life in the middle of the Universe was getting pretty depressing. The planest satyed the same... the last good explosion was a supernova so long ago that the lethargic look in the skies was gettign depressing. Um... it had been like that for a while.. and then i decided to do somethign about it. Earth... as i knew it... needed a makeover. A cople of mountains were redundant... a few oceans were pointless if all you wanted was a bath. The species lacked variety...
I mean... an octupus was fine... but what you really needed was a man octpus.

And so i made the nuke.

Nuke Nuke Nuke... You listenign man kind? I am going to Nuke you!!!

Hmm... while that sounds reasonably idiotic... if i could do it... i would.
Bole to... book likhane ka time nahin hai!!!

I want to... but doen have a system... well... rest assured if the book was going to be of teh type i wrote on top... then its a god thisng i cant... it would ahev been such a nightmare!
Nopes... The real reason for all the tension is not the time... but the right equipment!!

In more obvious terms... a notebook computer... or a table top... but one that i can use without the administrator asking em what was it wxactly that i was doing...

fashion this:

The cubicle is empty...
Yours truly is sitting below the desk... with clsoed eyes... staring into space...

WHAT! CLOSED EYES STARING INTO SPACE???

Hey... just listen okay... dont point out mistakes ... its not good.

Neways... so... i am down there looking thru my minds eye into the void of my mind... uh... space... and the administrator walks in...

ADMINISTRATOR : (clears throat) eh hello
RAHUL: yes
ADMINISTRATOR: What is it that u are doing?
RAHUL: Being at peace ith myself
ADMINISTRATOR: Is that why you are kissing the monitor
RAHUL: (Lookig at the monitor) Is that what this is? I thought it was Sheryl
ADMINISTRATOR: Sheryl? who is that?
RAHUL: She shows me things
ADMINISTRATOR: (Getting uncomfortable) Things?
RAHUL: Yes... she shoes me the...
ADMINISTRATOR: (Interrupting) Are you high on something?
RAHUL: Damn Theory
ADMINISTRATOR: What?
RAHUL: Damn Theory... get a life... i need to type... (resumes typing)
ADMINISTRATOR: Is that an e_mail?
RAHUL: Don't be ridiculous
ADMINISTRATOR: (Looks around... satres at his T-Shirt... it read... I AM ROOT) I Will kick ya out of the system
RAHUL: Whatever
ADMINISTRATOR: No Internet
RAHUL: Will Word work?
ADMINISTRATOR: yeah...
RAHUL: Then beat it
ADMINISTRATOR: (Looking confused... looks around... thinsk of calling security...)

Meanwhile Rahul finshes typing and goes into a dremaless sleep... wakes up in cyber cafe... and says...

If only.

RAHUL: If only.

On Blogging and Slogging

2006-07-15T18:50:00.000+05:30

I have a serious confession to make... i was online for the better part of the last few weeks and yet i never updated my blog. The reasons are silly... but reasonably resonable... so here goes...

Once my basic training on C etc was over... (phew! what a relief!) i got my stream training... I was glad that i got what i wnated from the avilable options... but not what i really wanted overall.
So... yeah... sour grapes theory.

Then came the start of training and i almost thought i'd better quit the company satright away...
UNIX. Damn. Like i needed to know what pwd command did....
Neways... that done, we had Oracle 9i SQL and PL/SQL... for a moment i thought there was hope still... only to be dashed a syllabsu that talked on nothing 'new' for me!
The classes were good... but boring!

Okie... and after all that... ORKUT!!!!
Got held up in it for the last two days!!! (Psst... dont tell anyone... okie tell everyone... am chatting even while i type this...)
That is how busy i have been...
What? I haven't been busy? Yeah... you are probably right...
I didn't watch Superman Returns... (didn't want to)
Da Vinci Code (How much will ya torture me? Rather not opt for it)
Pirates of the Carrebian 2 ---- aaaah now you are talking!
Want to watch it... but do so alone. Bcoz it will not be the same in the theatre...

Oh yes... MAJOR QUESTION...

WHY I DONT LIKE THEATRE's

I feel they are too open... i cant enjoy as much as i wnat to... i would love to laugh at ajoke... i do so when at home.... but with 200 odd people around me... i cant...
and so i dont.

So... all these days in chennaio have been an utter bore... and the climate is an addon!
Hate this place... and hope i leave....

SOOOOON!!!!!

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2006-06-22T11:57:00.000+05:30

There are movies... and there is Spotless Mind. The screenplay is awesome... the direction brilliant... the acting... way above par and the music simply marvelous. The best bit however is Jim Carrey and his potrayal of Joel Barish. He's an introvert... and as his memories get erased... he changes...
He tries to erase Clementine from his memories... cause they have broken up. But as the erasure process begins... he wants it to stop. He wanst to remember her...
Wait a minute...
Erase her memories???

Science Fiction? YES!!! A sci-fi serious drama comedy. The humor is suttle... and real. Jim does not steal te show by running into walls... he steals the show by leaning on them.

Look at the adjacent scene...

This is what this movie excels at... at making a memorable scene... one that sticks in your mind and... well... it' sjust so damn romantic at the same time!

Now look at the image below... i consider that to be the most beautiful scene ever filmed. And yes... inventive.

With Cate Winslet's colored hair (blue, red and what not!) her impeccable American accent... and funny inputs by Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood) the cast is simply awesome...

I love this movie...

it's my fav. And even my orkut profile is named after it... but the name...

Charlie Kaufman got the name from...

THE POEM FROM WHERE THE TITLE IS TAKEN... by Alexander Pope...

How happy is the blameless vestal's lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd;

Labour and rest, that equal periods keep;

"Obedient slumbers that can wake and weep;"

Desires compos'd, affections ever ev'n,

Tears that delight, and sighs that waft to Heav'n.

Grace shines around her with serenest beams,

And whisp'ring angels prompt her golden dreams.

For her th' unfading rose of Eden blooms,

And wings of seraphs shed divine perfumes,

For her the Spouse prepares the bridal ring,

For her white virgins hymeneals sing,

To sounds of heav'nly harps she dies away,

And melts in visions of eternal day.

Discworld Great quote

2006-06-21T11:37:00.000+05:30

Its a popular fact that 90% of the brain is not used and, like most popular facts, it is wrong. Not even the most stupi Creator would go to the trouble of making the human head carry around several pounds of unnecessary grey goo if its only real purpose was, eg, to serve as a delicacy for certain remote tribesmen in unexplored valleys, it is used. One of its functions is to make the miraculous seem ordinary, and turn the unusual into the usual. Otherwise, human beings, forced with the daily wondrousness of everything, would go around wearing a stupid grin, saying "WOW" a lot. Part of the brain exists to stop this happening. It is very efficient, and can make people experience boredom in the middle of marvels.

THAT is why TERRY PRATCHETT is GOD!

He did CREATE the DISCWORLD anyway... so that in itself is a commendable achievement...

2006-06-19T12:29:00.000+05:30

THE WORLD IS FLAT... NOT!

( Okay... that's the guitar pic that i found on the system. I wanted to test the pciture uploading thingy... and so i did it.

No Copyright law must have been broken and incase it has been... well... Sod off casue i ain'y paying a dime)

The Nomes once heard of Television. It was said that it was a way of moving pictures through the sky. They made a mental note to look for them in the future!

Terry Pratchett is funny. He is really, really funny. He makes other authors seem like pathetic stage show comedians in front of his refined humor.
eg.
'Road Work ahead'
it's a sign... okay. On a street.

The Nomes say... 'Road works ahead? Why mention it if it works?'

Like... the humor is such that you have to read it to understand it.

Anyways... that's what i'm readind these days in the Bromeliad trilogy.
(Truckers, Diggers... and Wings)

Rules of Terry Pratchett

2006-06-12T15:36:00.000+05:30

No... even a title like that diesn't inspire me to write a long post. In fact... i am more than bored. My mind is being under worked. I need more positive energy. (In the form of positiv eowrk output)
And my Software Company (MNC) and office in Chennai isn't able to do that.
Today... from 9 AM to 3-30 PM i have sat in front of the ocmputer and done absolutely no productive work. Oh i did make a couple of programs... (4 in all... binary search, selection sort, reverse array, merge sort)
Like it took half an hour and the rest of the time spent in idle chit chat and also in blogging and all that.

So what exactly did i do other than all that. Tried desparately to finish a couple of courses in the learning portal of the company (did three of them last friday!!!)

But couldn't do that due to firewall issues.

Will be moving to the new digs. Whole lot of crap due to that.
Problem 1: No Air condiotioning. Now that might not be a big deal under normal circumstances... but in Chennai it's a major issue considering that within a minutye of leaving the hotel i'm soacked in sweat.
Problem 2: The distance to training location is in excess of 10 Kms. That distcance in a city bus is like running with a metal rod in a thunder storm.
Problem 3: No Shopping Malls nearby... uh that might be a plus as if there are malls around with book shops within... then they burn hole in my pocket faster than a gasoline soaked tissue paper placed near a wick of a very big flame.

The word huge comes to mind.

I am feeling way too sleepy now. Nothign to keep me awake.. i think i'll go back to pratchet.

Byr 4 now.

Hmmm... training really begins.

2006-06-07T13:33:00.000+05:30

Flowcharts... Algorithms... and a whole lot of other boring stuff...
But this stuffy little enviroment has an A/C and a fast net connection which makes the whole thingh a lot more bearable.

Terry Pratchett has written more than 40 humorous novels about the discworld... i hope (oh so desparately) that thye will last through my training period.

Don't get me wrong... i am working hard on the program... but you see, when my Software company (MNC) and office at Chennai began the session... i had no idea staying awake would be such hard work!!!

Just kidding yaar...
Thuth be told... i am having a jolly good time. The tests are at short intervals... so they are keeping us on our toes. That's good. 9th is the date of the first test... multiple choice... expect yours truly (Rahul) to ace at it.

Am taking all the opportunities as such to shine out. I expect i'll be doing more than just displaying my communication skills at the MNC whose name must not be told! (Yeah... pathetic potter joke)

Anyways... like sucks, casue it's too hot here... home has been taken care of, but the location is like miles away from the city. (cause of concern)

What else?
Orkut allowed!!
Yahoo allowed!!!
All websites allowed!!!

NO CD DRIVES... PEN DRIVES WONT WORK.... NO LAPTOPS.

BOOOOOOOO!

Other than that... the company who must not be named... ain't that bad at all...

'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai'

2006-06-03T13:42:00.000+05:30

Joined at last. They told me not to mention my company when blogging (they think that in my private life i might have very strong political statement to make.... eh... that might be true actually... so i will call it... 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai'

Anyways... my 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai' had a 2 day induction programme in a five star hotel (name not disclosed to create more mystery)
Yesss.... the hotel was my ideal digs... (ideal as in i'd like to havethat... not that it would be mismanaged and filled with novels)

There was all kind of rubbish talk... which involved security practices... (duh... like one semester of Network Security was not enough)
Also Quality and all that... you know.. the works.

I did not have much fun... yes it was all glitterati to the minds of many of my colleages (see how getting a job turns all guys to colleages???) but for me it was pointless... like i don't really think the 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai' paid the bill. I think it was all taken care of by Hutch and HDFC... casue they were the mandatory bank acconts and optional cellphone providers for this 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai'

Ah shicks... the usage of 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai' makes me type a bit too much... (YES I AM USING Ctrl-P... but... still....

The house.. not yet got one. The 'Software company (MNC) and office in Chennai' has given us a 14 day stay in a hotel for the moment.

Scaling the corporate ladder sounds difficut form the point of view of a JSE... but i think i will do well...

Best deal however... (I saved it for the last)
T-Shirts withe collar allowed on all days. Denim o Friday...
who says that getting a job means i have to call everyone my colleagues and wear formals?

Huh? WHO!!!

Clarification... why Friedman is wrong?

2006-05-26T13:45:00.000+05:30

Disclaimer: The ‘you’ is the person who believes that world is not flat. Not particularly any one person. Although the comment on my previous post has made me write this to clarify my position.

The point Freidman missed and so did you is that all these benefits you say India has… are not interesting once you consider the population. 1 billion people as opposed to 350 million in U.S.A

You say Indore has shopping malls now…
Good, but really what’s the point? The majority of the population isn’t using it.

You say anybody can get 10K at call center jobs… but still 60% people are in agriculture making losses… but continue doing what they do as they just can’t get into call centers.

The idea that India is getting that horizontal whatever and America is getting Vertical whatever… I don’t remember your exact words… it makes sense when Friedman mentions it. I agree even I was quite moved by that argument. Sure… America will innovate and we will just sit around doing the menial everyday tasks…

The difference however is in what we are actually doing. Remember I called India and China as the sweatshops of the developed world?
Well… maybe I was wrong.
See, look at it historically… let me show you a picture… a movie even…

A software giant comes to India… it opens its center in Bang Bang Banglore. The most wired city on this side of the globe. And then it hires Indians to do work it wants. Cause India has brain power. It sends the gains (Reaper Man) back to America.

Go back… in history…
Vasco-de-gama guy come son his ship. He lands… discovers spices. He establishes himself… soon others come… the Brits, the French… and before you know it… it’s a colonized world.

What happened when an Accenture came to India? What happened when a Microsoft opened in India?
The same damn thing.

Now… America is losing jobs. Yes, GM has been closing down its own factories and making room in China… even Intel is closing operations in America and looking at India.
Now, Freidman paints a picture like this… but he forgets one thing…
The grond is done, the brush strokes are par excellence. The imagery is simply breath taking…
But he forgot the impending doom when he forgot the dark clouds.

The dark clouds for India and China is the population.
See, no matter how much we progress, we are not a developed nation if our per-capita Income is low… our is like very low!
America’s per-capita is $ 2000
To see a flat world with equal opportunities… I’d want everyone in India to be as equal footed as in U.S.A

A plummer in America makes more money than a call center employee in India.

A mechanic makes more money.

Even if a student becomes an assistant of a professor… as part of the foreign student scholarships program… he ears more that the call center employee.

How then can we be happy about the picture. China is heading towards a political instability… that’s why they are trying to reform. See, the disparities between the rich and the poor are increasing there… sure Communism is supposed to make everyone equally poor… but then that isn’t the way the world really works.

Now… with India… it being a democracy… things can’t get any worse on the political front. So… we are going to help America end itself… (it will happen if it just tries to be efficient and hence out-source or off-shore) and then hope to be one of the Japan’s of the world.

See, America’s doom… which Friedman has played down is quite obvious. You have a country that has innovated for over 50 years and more… and now that country is trying to become efficient. It’s shifting its silicon valley. When India decides to start working on new innovations… America will have to go back… and then it might not be super-sucessful as before.
My point?
The TCS and Infosys that we are talking about… I see a future where we will have Infosys Windows XP and TCS Office 2003
It will happen. It has to. Because we Indians revolted against the British… what the hell are some Americans?

As you will notice… I’m biting on both ends of the argument.
1) India is inferior to America even now when it comes to global standings… and it will stay there for a long time.
2) America will eventually have to give up off-shoring and out-sourcing because over a period of time innovation will come from India.
3) China will either end its communism and become a democracy (fat chance of that happening) or else… people will revolt (watch the news in the future… you just might hear 500 people shot to death in Chinese colleges!)

Yes… you can buy my ultra patriotic edition of the World is a pyramid when it is published in the near future.

Will we see HIS DARK MATERIALS in India?

2006-05-25T20:13:00.000+05:30

NOTE: No spoilers for the book… I am sure I do not reveal enough to make you realize exactly what happens in the book. You can read this and then read the books and still be shocked by what you encounter.

His Dark Materials is a trilogy by Philip Pullman (A British Novelist) It’s in the process of being made into a movie… but seeing how the DA VINCI code is having troubles in India with the Censor boards and also the Catholic Church world wide… I wonder if this movie can ever really run.
This because the trilogy deals with a multi-universe where a girl Lyra undergoes commits the second ‘original sin’… okay… not very original…I’ll grant you that.

The story is about dust… a miraculous substance which is what creates matter. In scientific terms it’s known as photons… you know very small particles. Particles that make matter… elementary particles… you with me?

Now in this multi-universe… these particles are our means of communication… as they can go to the next universe. The Aurora Borealis … or the Northern Lights is discussed initially in this respect. But this science ends quickly and we find out that Lyra is destined to travel to another world… where God is a Tyrant. We learn that now the angel Metatron is ruling the world and not God. Eventually Metatron is killed… the tyrant Lord is also killed. The most controversial aspect is that according to Pullman… the following happens in the original sin…

Eve learns the secret of what God is. That he is an angel That he is not the creator.

Dust according to Pullman is what gives us knowledge. Eve was banished from the kingdom of God because she knew the truth.
The Church understandably would not like this.

In fact… this trilogy is very controversial amongst the Catholic Church. The Trilogy turned up at Number 3 on the BBC’s Big Read survey in the UK. And a movie will certainly shock audiences around the world.

So… will Indians like to watch this? DA VINCI code was not liked much at Cannes and yet it has gained immense popularity. The reason? The book was a runaway success. This cannot be said about HIS DARK MATERIALS. Very few people here in India know about it. But all that is about to change.

The books in the series are

1) The Golden Compass (Northern Lights)

2) The Subtle Knife

3) The Amber Spyglass

An amazing trilogy. I am planning to read it again soon. I recommend you read this before you watch the movie… because then, like the audiences in Cannes… you can be the expert critics.

Why I loved it so much? The science… it made me research a lot. Unlike DA VINCI code where to find out more you had to look at old bibles and other cryptic reading materials… here all you have to do is open up Encarta. The story will also shock you due to the Multi-Universe that is explained wonderfully. The living world of Lyra has many concepts that simply will astound you.

The only thing I’d mention as a negative is that in the last book, the plot isn’t very well executed. The events occur in a manner acceptable to the author (to keep the story moving perhaps?) but there are plot holes… Also… the start of the second book is absurd to say the least.

But that said… no book is perfect. Well… maybe LOTR(minus the songs) or Gone With the Wind with a few lesser kids for Scarlette. :-)

The World is a not round… not flat… but a pyramid.

2006-05-24T21:21:00.000+05:30

Ever felt that at times the world conspires to make the same topic come up over and over again?
Globalization and its effects in India and China… I was reading Thomas Friedman’s - The World is flat. It’s a brilliant book. Perhaps its so interesting for me as I live in India… But then… BBC began this Emerging Giants series. Shows that target the effects of globalization in India and China. Now, the World is flat gave a picture of the world how it became flat… how countries like India that were traditionally considered backward… managed to carve a niche for themselves in the IT segment… how a level playing field had developed over a period of the last 10-15 years.
Good point.
But India has a number of problems to look into before it challenges China… and China has really big problems of its own before it challenges America.
Pessimistic? Maybe… but I don’t really think that the world is flat.

China has made amazing progress thanks to off shoring. But it has a population of 1.2 billion as opposed to 350 million of the U.S.A! The economy of China has to be about four-five times as big as America to challenge it in any realistic manner. Develop… it will. But that development will not make the people as self sufficient and wealthy as in the States.

India of course has problems of infrastructure. India is slightly better off. Yes… it has a billion people as well… but India still is better off. Simply casue we aren’t competing with America. We are competing with ourselves. I say that because America is and will remain way out of our league at least for a while into the distant future. But we have advantages over China…

Shanghai might look like New York and China may be able to provide cheaper services… but India has known brands. Brands that are penetrating into other countries. I’m talking about Videocon, Infosys and the Birlas and the Tata’s. Chinese economy has become a major force… but that force is based primarily on brands based in other countries. The Chinese will have to develop that reputation of ‘Made in China’

India, I think will have it easier in this respect.

So, I think the real question is… is the world really flat?
No. Has it become flatter?

Now it gets interesting. Friedman claims it has… I don’t. See, I have said this before on my blog and I say it now again… India and China… with their 8-10% growth rates are actually building major gains due to out-sourcing. Now, Americans claim that they lose jobs because of it… but the ground reality is that they make immense profits. Ultra efficiency as costs are cut.
Who is winning?
Advantage America.

Both India and China are essentially sweatshops of the developed world. And the funny thing is... they are proud of it.

This isn’t the case just with IT services. Even you ‘old economy’ companies are shifting bases in India… see, the profits are reaped by the Reaper Man (pardon the pun) and that is America.

Yes… for the record we are developed in respect with say ten years back… but America has gone even further ahead.

The way ahead? I would like it if Indian companies off shore… or out-source their works to African Nations… forming a circle… only make sure America doesn’t catch wind of what we are doing… else they would eliminate the man in the middle.

YES I AM JOKING NOW.

Bang goes reservation!

2006-05-23T16:33:00.000+05:30

Today... i managed to stay away from prison. I was at New Market (Bhopal) and was in the process of buying a book. I did that and when i left the shop... BANG!
(No... not a gun shot)
There was a grooup of people (protected) by the police... they were SC/ST and OBC's... gathered for a 'peaceful' gathering. Well... peaceful tweesfull.. what the idiot was saying was certainly not peaceful.
Soemthing like all the anti-reservation people... they will break their bones. That they were going to fight for their freedom. (like hello! Does he belong to India? Is it 1947 yet?)
That he was shocked that peoplewere protesting. (Yeah... right... we pay taxes... casue you don't work... and then we are blamed casue we want the country to work well... caue we want our money to be used effectively!)

But the crown jewel was his statement... that OBC's get 40% regardless of the condition in which they live... but an Open category guy wouldn't even get 20%

Yeah right... that opened my eyes.

Look... a guy will owrk hard if he hasa hard path and he striaves for sucess... why is a mountain so steep? Cause you have to work your back to reach the summit. So... a perosn in a bad position is motivated...
Now... does it really make sense to give make a highway with speeded up vehicles... 'Short-fast trip to mountain top' for the OBC's and SC St's?

Give them free accomodation on the top. Give them the ebst guide to the top... but let them climb on thier own...
Exactly that is done by eveyone else...
In schools... we are all equal... I mean every one is in CBSE... and we all have the same course... now please don't paint a picture where you say OBC's come form anothe planet. If they have the same education... if they face the same exam... and cant even get 60-70%... then how in the hell is it logical to let a 90% guy not get admission when the seats are vacant... cause they are reserved... and the guy is not there!

In a hotel... the ebst run hotel... if people rerserve seats and don't show up... and the customers are turned awqay casue the seats are reserved... can the hotel ever make money?
Can an India with such a hotel make a good impression to holiday makers?
Can India ever make a good impression anywhere?

While India has been seen as a land of snake charmers by the west for time infinitium... there is a limit to all this nonsense...
You think you have globalisation and casue the economy is booming... hence the goverment is doing great... hence they can be allowed to get away with breaking the foundation on which all this has taken place... then you are very much mistaken.

Finally... in this boring blog... the fun side of reservation.
After coming back... i had this game on the PC... flash based hit the chicken.
I edited it in Swish and converted the chicken into the words Reservation... and the pictures of Murali Manohar Joshi and Arjun Singh.
Then i played.
Bang! goes reservation!
Bang! goes reservation!

Yeee haw!

I had never hit 25 in a row.
I had not liked the game much either for that matter ;-)

Okay... reservation fury time!

2006-05-20T17:04:00.000+05:30

Reservation and its many forms are really making me go nuts. Sure... it's good for the people... sure its what is needed for the development of the country.
Of course that's what the politicians would like me to believe.
I have always held pretty stroing views against reservation and now... i'm reaching boiling point.

A couple a days back, on an interview, a politician said that there is no personal gain involved and that reservation bill was passed with majority in the house.
He had the nerve to say that the furor over reservation is pointless as the bill is passed by both houses of the parliament.

What does he take us for?

Last time i cheacked... India was a democracy. The government was by the people, for the people and of the people.
If the people are so opposed to rerservation... why pass a bill and try to implement it?

Why not unless personal gains are involved?

In closing, i'd like the say...
If a farmer has two cows and one is near dead... he feeds the live one, becasue logic tells him that the live cow will give him better returns. The dead cow is a waste of resources.
But if a politician was involved... he'd cite equal opportunities and go on feeding the dead cow... saying that it was under priveledged... and 'hope' that the live cow would fend for itself.

I wont cry. I can't. I WILL NOT!

2006-05-18T19:15:00.000+05:30

I was walking the cool walk, talking the cool talk… I was the ‘innest’ person around. I was hot, handsome and happening. And then I cried.
It happened quite suddenly. Four long and boring years went by when I was simply waiting for happy times to come. I never realized that happiness in retrospect is nothing but being yourself at the moment. Being your true self.

How many can do that?

Make no appearances… make no false impressions. But manage to be communicate your real purpose… your real emotions… and not seem a fake.

I’d say things like ‘I don’t care that college is over… I never liked it anyway!’

Whom am I kidding?

I’d say things like ‘I wish you have a beautiful life’ to all the friends I bade farewell…

Now that might be an honest, true to the heart thing… but it kinda makes the eyes go damp and all…

It really matters in the end doesn’t it?

Am I going to be honest this time? Or am I going to hide behind one of my mood swings?

I’ll take it as it comes.

Right now... there is nothing like the present. Damp eyes or not.

NOT.

Breakfast at Tiffany’s

2006-05-18T19:09:00.000+05:30

Finished it last night.

Truman Capote’s book, Breakfast at Tiffany’s was made into an Oscar winning movie with Audrey Hepburn at the lead. But what you don’t know is that the book and the movie are very different.
The real Holly was a fierce, fiery, fastidious woman who… there is no other way to say it… was an escort. But the movie only hints this. The ending of the movie is a Hollywood happy ending. The end of the book is a compromise between reality and fiction.

The book lacks the potential to be a best-seller. But the movie rocks!

Maybe because Truman wrote the character of Holly with Marilyn Monroe in mind… while Audrey Hepburn actually played the part…

It’s a short book and it gave me a few hours of fun.

Until next time… since

Holly Golightly

Traveling

I’ll keep my eyes open.
Am reading Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance again…

It’s a self help book… like Alchemist… but the author has got style! It’s actually quite fun how the author manages to compare motor cycle maintenance to the fear of technology and more!!!

A must read.

My B’day

2006-05-11T12:30:00.000+05:30

I celebrated my 21st birthday yesterday…
9th May… 1985  9th May 2006

I don’t think I’m older… or wiser…
When I was a kid… if I liked a balloon… (Hypothetically speaking) then I’d have my heart set on it…
Today, if I like an iPod… (Figuratively speaking) then I’d still have my heart set on it.

What has changed?

I might not put up a tantrum anymore.
The thing about birthday’s and celebrating them is that they seem pointless.
We are happy about ageing?
About letting one more year go?

Just imagine all that I could not achieve this year?

Last year resolutions…

Read at least 100 books
Make three new, great friends…
Consolidate friendships with all old friends…
Be more wiser… as in read some science and current affairs instead of just trashy sci-fi…

What I achieved?

Last year… on my birthday… I lost a seemingly irritating but okay sort of friend…
I also lost maybe three more acquaintances to the enemy territory… (not really… No… it’s just that we are on cease fire)
I read an astonishing 142 books… (YESSSS!)
I made no new friends… not really the type I had started out to find…
I did read some current affairs in the last few months as a last minute dash… (stuff like the world is flat… )

So… should I be happy?

NOPE.

Am I happy?

NOPE.

I might have aged…
Experiment might have come… I wouldn’t know… I don’t think I gained it…
But that what experience is… it’s insurance in reverse…

See… you get insurance after the fire…
You get experience after the fire…

But what has age got to do with it?

Zilch… Zero… Nothing… and pardon my French… but being old… sucks!

So don’t ask… ‘How old are you?’
Ask… ‘How young are you?’

Me… I’m 18.

The Alchemist

2006-05-08T17:35:00.000+05:30

Just how good/bad is it?

I started reading Alchemist a few days ago. Finished it today. If I were to believe the media pundits and the fans… the 50 million copies sold… the numbers might convince me that the book must be a stunner.

But if were to skip the critical acclaim and read the book… I might realize that

‘It does not change your life’

‘It isn’t the best book you will ever read’

‘It is not un put-down-able’

But instead, that…

‘It is put-down-able’

‘It is a crappy moral story… the kind we read in our moral science classes… like folk stories…’

‘It makes you wonder why people buy it… and more importantly why the buggers recommend it to you!’

I didn’t like it one bit.

It was a self help book buttered up with a fictional account. Yes… read that line again… a self help book. If Coelho expects everyone to be happy and become fans just because he gives sermons which are best left to the chapel than in a book… well… very droll of him.

Word of mouth can be a ridiculous phenomena!

I have no problem with others who read this book and love it.

Maybe their brain is wired differently. Mine is hard-wired to read entertaining things… and the Alchemist was a dud.
So… to anyone who wants to read that book…

You have been warned. It’s only a moral story.

No matter how many copies it sells. (50 million in 35 languages in 100 countries)

It will remain what it is. A moral story… and a boring one at that.

On women’s reservation

2006-05-04T19:43:00.000+05:30

How can a country progress if the one thing that we should do is done… but in a sic manner. I’m referring to empowering women. Sure, it’s important. We ant women to come out of there bridal prisons… face the day and challenge men on equal footing.
Label me sexist… but I think the important term here is equal… not extra privileged.

The idea that reservation is needed for women to move forward is an oft repeated one. Women themselves sometimes request for it in the parliament. The trouble is that they don’t get it. Reservation is a really idiotic form of empowerment.

What you do when you give a woman a reservation is tell her she needs a walking stick when she can walk on her own. What you do when you form a quota for women in colleges and jobs is that you give a slap in the face of the woman and say

‘HERE! YOU NEED THIS!
BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT CAPABLE OF GETTING HERE ON YOUR OWN!
SAY THANK YOU! YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS!
I AM GIVING YOU THIS POSITION TO SET A DAMN EXAMPLE!’

I do not support reservation. Yet, I am not a sexist. I do not mind a woman being a superior. I do not have a problem with a woman being even a prime minister. But there should be no law stating that 33% or 50% woman HAVE to be in the parliament, or some other position.

I believe that women ought to be given free education to make sure parents put them in schools. I believe they should be given waivers of fees in colleges… so that parents do not mind sending them to the best institutes. But… they should come to those best institutes… only if they are capable.

What about politics then? How do I make sure that 50% women come there? Well… look around. In which country do we have a 50% female presence in politics? None. That doesn’t mean that they do not fight election or stuff. They do, but they aren’t winners. I’d believe if you let them fight and they are capable… they will make it. Don’t make it compulsory… don’t make it damn rule.

Just why the aren't being uploaded

2006-05-01T21:34:00.000+05:30

Well... i can't really risk having a Kaava whatever her name was... stealing my work... So, for safety... i am not uploading the rest. I want to publish my book.

If a publisher is intersted...

contact me at rahul9585@yahoo.co.in

For the others...
read my short stories...
My novels will never be completely published... Not till i know you and maybe forward the ending...

Me to the Rescue!

2006-05-01T21:30:00.000+05:30

There are many words to describe the state of madness… Pink Floyd called it ‘The Dark Side of the Moon’ and I call it… ‘The Instinctive Part of Friendship’

Pretty soon Sandra and I were released and taken in a special FBI van to the compound where they had been holding Syd and Hannah captive. I was really sorry for them… I had been thinking that those two had run away. Pretty foolish really, considering Syd and Hannah had nothing in common and that Syd was my friend and would never think of such a thing.

He wouldn’t would he?

Well…Thy shall not whatever… something about a neighbor’s wife…

Well, Hannah was not technically my wife… and Syd was not technically my neighbor either.
Sandra was resting her head on my shoulder as we went through the bumpy ride through the city. It was late night now… and Sandra and I were both tired. I put my arm over her shoulder to help her relax.

It was a warm feeling. I saw Sandra… she had her eyes closed. She looked calm and peaceful… well… she was quite attractive…

No I will not think about that!

Why the hell not?

‘Sandra, are you seeing somebody?’ I asked
‘Huh? No… not presently’ she smiled
Sandra and I had been close before… I liked her… maybe…
‘Fancy next Saturday?’
She smiled; ‘Okay’ then she kissed me!

Man she kissed me!

Good thing I saved my jaw with Mr. Mark!

‘Harry’ she said
‘Yes?’
‘I have to tell you something’
‘Okay…’
‘It’s a little difficult to explain’
‘Okay…’

What was she going to say? That she was actually seeing someone and that the kiss was a mistake?

Damn we arrived…

The compound was well, huge. And there was activity. And a lot of noise. Then I made out it was actually a voice. Yu see, the FBI was already there, and Albertoni was shouting in a loudspeaker.

‘I am an American! You shall not arrest me like this!’
Well… they could arrest Americans anyway they liked, actually.
You had after all the right to remain silent… and Albertoni was a real fool. He was shouting out that he had hostages. He was threatening… Oh my!

‘He seems like he has lost it’ I said standing next to Sandra
‘He’s like that’
‘What?’
‘Nothing’
‘You were saying something… in the van’
‘Later’ she said turning away…’

What was it with her?

An officer, a blonde woman actually came and explained the situation. I was being called for by the Don. He would release the hostages if I was sent in. No way! Well… actually when I thought of it, it wasn’t really that bad.

‘You don’t have to go’ she said
‘I can go’ I said
‘No you don’t get it; I mean… we aren’t sending you. We have said that you are missing’
‘You don’t get it either… I said I want to go’
‘No’
‘Yes’ I said stubbornly

She walked away.

She was actually going over to a senior looking guy who was barking orders, ‘We need a diversion!’ he was saying.

Okay…

Sandra was sitting on the floor, rubbing her wrist. Okay…

Those were my friends in there and there was a S.W.A.T helicopter up in the air.

I looked around.

I ran!

I went all the way in. The FBI didn’t shoot me, they couldn’t. And the guys inside obviously wanted me… I looked at the sky just once; the helicopter was using the loud noises of this little diversion to move closer. I hoped this would work.
They even opened the shutter as I reached it. I came in and straight away three thugs got hold of me.
‘Take me to the Don’ I said
‘With pleasure’ one of them said as he landed a blow in my guts…

Ouch!

Don Albertoni looked furious, well, I don’t blame him. He must be angry and the way I was… I’d say he had every right to be angry too! I had apparently kidnapped his goddaughter and got all this police involved. Well, he thought so much anyway. And that made me swell with pride…

‘You! You lying little… I am going to rip you eyes out’ He had a knife out and was moving closer and I was being held pretty tightly by these guys.

The Don moved closer…

Damn him!

Damn Tessio.

Damn Syd!

Damn… no… Goddamn Hannah!

He came closer and… I kicked real hard.

Well, what happened after that is really silly, the two thugs started beating me, the Don was on the floor and the world was going black and blue. Suddenly, as soon as it had all begun… it stopped. I opened my eyes… or well, tried to, and I saw a S.W.A.T officer looking at me.

‘Ambulance! Quick!’ he was signaling to someone. I tried to move but he asked to lie back and to relax. Easy, especially when you have probably broken something.

Oh Sod it!

2006-05-01T21:29:00.000+05:30

There is only one kind of judgment that is completely fair… death… and it takes place at the ratio of 1.000 to One…

It can get a little confusing if the person you think can save your mortal soul is also help captive for the crime she was going to help you get out of… umm… doesn’t make much sense… let me try again. It can get a little complicated for one to believe in the deity called god, if the perception of him that you have in mind is also been charged with having a guilty conscience… well, lets skip the God part and then you know exactly how I feel about Sandra being charged with being an accessory to the drug lord Don Harry Garner…
Wonder how I would feel if it was all true… Don Garner doesn’t sound too bad either. Just a little grease or well, oil in the hair, one of them Mafia suits and a well, I don’t necessarily have to grow old. That would be sick. Just look at Al Pacino in the godfather movies… I’d be someone like him.

Problem is, I don’t want to…

Now, the implication of being charged with such a crime and found in your own house with twenty suitcases of gold bars can be quite severe… if you are enforcing the law and quite terrifying if you are on the wrong side of the gun. Presently, none of us are actually facing a gun (I hope) but we are in separate cells and being asked the same questions… naturally to test our story…

I know this much… the gold came from my bank… I mean the bank I worked for earlier.

It was not stolen…

There was no break in…

But it belonged to my bank!

Now, Sandra is a lawyer and in the present circumstances needs a lawyer of her own. But I had a feeling they were being harder on Sandra… maybe it was because she was supposed to be my goddamn lawyer and had (as they seemed to assume) turned out to be a criminal… but that didn’t make much sense… They could just have thought that she was fooled by me just as everyone else had been.
The real big problem that’s eating me however is that where is Syd. He seems to have vanished… and so has Hannah.
Strange horror stories… no, well, fiction stories… rather cheap fiction stories have been forming in my head. That Hannah and Syd have had a secret affair and have run away. That Syd had stolen the money. And that they may have got a suitcase of their own. And other versions of this. Well, the only thing that seems certain to me is that despite looking at it from every angle, I can’t figure out where they are…

Neither can the police…

‘So, Mr. Garner… care to tell me what Mr. Albertoni looked like?’ It was the FBI agent again. A new one, apparently Rachel and Mark were busy else where… this guy seemed okay, he had a friendly face.
‘What? Again?’
‘Well… not everything. Just what this… uh… Tessio told you… and why you contacted Miss Parker’
‘He said pick up the goddaughter Scarlet and take her to the hotel she wants to go to… and not to look at her face… and as far as Sandra is concerned… she was a friend…a and a lawyer… so I thought maybe I ought to get a person to defend me… who knew me…’
‘And so you know her?’
‘We were to the same college’
‘You a lawyer?’
‘No… Harvard… I was in Business school when she was in Law… we met… and the friendship lasted’
‘And so you knew her…’
‘That would be a logical conclusion… if we assume that I am not a forgetful person’
‘Are you trying to be smart with me?’ the guy said, fidgeting with his tie
‘How would you know?’ I said... (Right now… I just didn’t care what this nut thought or did)
‘Huh?’
‘Nothing’ I said

‘About the gold… how did it reach to your place?’

Simple… the suitcases flew all the way.

Or maybe it was a simple case of teleportation…

Damn if I knew!

‘I don’t know…’
‘A possible answer… in fact an expected one’
‘I really can’t understand… I was in custody… how could I have taken that gold out?’
‘Syd?’

Well… I had also thought about that.

‘Can you think of a reason why Mr. Tessio asked you not the face?’ a change of question… definitely trying to test me.
‘No…’
‘Try again Mr. Garner. It could hold the secret to our little mystery’

This guy… he might have a friendly face, he might even look a little sharp, he might even try to frame sentences that sound intelligent… but… stupidity has a way of reveling itself somehow…

‘I think you don’t get the idea. The face was not at all important. What he wanted was to scare me’
‘Could be… but what if you knew that someone?’
‘Then I would have naturally not been sent’
‘Good point… you see that helps your case’
‘It does?’ I said a little surprised
‘Yes… according to that line of reasoning… you were really quite new… because Scarlet would not know you’
‘I don’t find that very helpful’
‘You don’t?’ the guy looked flushed
‘No… because… who is to say I had just never been sent earlier’
The guy smiled… it was not really a wicked smile, but it was a rehearsed one, rehearsed to be wicked… of course he failed miserably…

And we have Syd, Hannah, Tessio and Don. Albertoni… missing. Where is Syd?

The presence of a particular Freddie Albertoni who is in a goddamn coma doesn’t help much. Of course he is on a watch. The police have thought about my story, although even I find it pretty hard to believe…

Rightly too… especially after seeing the pictures of me shooting a man…

With a shotgun!

Show no remorse!

The man is an animal!

And he manages to move twenty suitcases of gold… by magic into his room!

Harry Garner… no Don Harry Garner. Well, I have a feeling this will make a good book. I am still thinking about that book idea… in fact, regardless of what I thought initially, I think this gangster idea is way too… well, dangerous. Too many guns and cops… and not nearly enough women…

Well, Rachel had good lips.

But that was like one helluva kiss and… HOLY SHIT!

The guy just said that they have found Tessio.

THEY HAVE FOUND TESSIO!

I AM FREE!

Well, I hope I will be freed!

A trifle bit premature for me to start thinking it is all over, a lot of things can go wrong… and according to Murphy… they will…

But well, Sandra can handle it. I’m just going to be here and think happy thoughts…

Like what I am going to say to Tessio when I get out of here….

Like what I am going to do to Syd if he really is… you know…

And what I shall say to Hannah…

Gaah!

Tessio was captured by my description when he was coming to my apartment. Fool. A real fool, the place was swarming with cops and the idiot walks right in! Heck I even think like a gangster. The agent with the funny face was looking at me with a real silly expression. He had wanted me to be a criminal. I’d have been much more attractive a find than Tessio… or any Mr. Albertoni… I have the right face, the right age…

Michael Corleone…

Oh damn you all people who have watched the Godfather!

Money, Money, Money

2006-05-01T21:28:00.000+05:30

You should never walk into a place you can’t walk out from… like classroom for students and Staffroom for Professors…

To solve a problem, you need a level headed person. Well, I really don’t know who I knew who fitted that bill. Syd was completely sick if you ask me. And Hannah was a bit taxing on me all the time.

Well, I had one call from my captors. They were busy calling in the FBI and soon the entire FBI brigade was all over the place. All kinds of people asked me all kinds of questions and an was running short of what is called… patience. Finally I asked someone of I could call someone. The answer was a bit surprising… Yes.

Now, I was sitting with the phone in front of me and thinking what I could so. The thing about having an MBA in finance from Harvard is that these Harvard people, they really stick together. They don’t forget you that easy. Yeah… friendship. Now, Syd was one Harvard guy I was not going top call. Better call someone who could tackle these FBI guys… one name… one person… Sandra Parker, I am talking about the law school grad who was a part of our so called gang.

Or something like that. I had her number on the mobile… I occasionally still sent her a message for Christmas or something…

‘Hello’ crisp voice, no bullshit manner

‘Yes, hello, Sandy’

‘Who is this?’

‘Uh… take a guess’ I saw the officer in front of me was wincing. He obviously expected me to be more formal… well you don’t get a free call across the states from the government everyday!

‘Mister… I have no time’

‘It’s me! Harry Garner’

‘I don’t know a mister Garner…’

‘Really? No mister Garner… never… not even someone who wrote ‘Sandy ought to loosen up’ in the Crimson’ the Crimson was the Harvard newsletter, I was referring to something Syd had written

‘Harry!’ she shouted suddenly ‘Where are you’

‘Uh… the FBI…’

‘What have you done?’

I told her… she said she’d take care of it… and thirty minutes later she was there talking to the feds. The strange thing was… I had thought she was somewhere far away… and it turned out she was here. And she was so helpful, she was almost embarrassed at what had happened to me and was apologizing for it. I couldn’t work it out. She was a lawyer… does she tell all her clients that she thinks that it was not really my fault and all that crap?

Another two hours later however… we were sitting in a joint and talking about it all. All she seemed to care about was what the Don had said and done. I felt this was strange as this was supposed to be a nice old time sakes meeting. She asked me to call Hannah. I did but Hannah’s mobile was switched off.

So, just to check on things, we went to my apartment from the joint. It was a short ride and Sandra talked all the way about her job and everything… she asked about Syd, and I told her he was still nuts. She found that amusing and asked more of him… for some reason that made me change the topic.

We reached the house and well, the lights were out. Damn. So Hannah wasn’t there. I just went up to get some money I had in the closet. It wasn’t fun to let the girl pay… especially if you are trying to impress her.

Another thing that you should do to impress a girl is NOT getting arrested… but that had already happened and so there was nothing I could do about that.

I opened the door in pitch darkness and was a little worried. I mean, the feds had told me that the Don might try and get me. But I walked in and turned on the lights… the third thing I noticed was that the house was clean, the second thing I noticed was that the furniture was all gone, actually shifted to the other room. But the first thing I noticed was about twenty suitcases in the center of the room.

I called Sandra, and she helped me open one of the cases. It was locked so we had to force it open.

In that room, my living room, we opened a suitcase filled with…

Not crabs…

Not, dead bodies…

Certainly not clothes…

Heck not even money… as in cash…

BUT PURE GODFORSAKEN, OH GOD ALMIGHTY, OR BRUCE ALMIGHTY (I HAVE A FEELING GOD WOULD NOT HAVE DONE THIS) PURE… GOLD!

‘Harry…’

‘Yes’

‘I don’t believe it’

I picked up a bar of gold and smiled…

MAN!

Just then the cops came in.

* * *

If, if I am alive… God tell me why is it that everything is so crazy… I am Syd by the way, not Mr. Smart Harry Garner. No, its not him, it me, the unfortunate Syd. The one who trusted Mr. Albertoni to be a safe guy. Well, at least I thought he was as safe as Don Corleone. But this guy, he might give me the creeps, but he is a real loser.

He is missing, and Fredrick, better known as Tessio… is ruling the day… uh… night. I’m not sure what time it is. Actually, neither does Hannah. Oh.. did I forget to mention it… we are hostages. And Harry Mr. Smart Garner is somewhere running around with the goddaughter of Mr. Albertoni! Hannah is mad at him, don’t blame her. I would too… but strangely Hannah is being really well behaved with me right now, maybe it ahs to do with the dark room and the occasional laughter upstairs.

Damn life can get strange.

Never was like this in college days.

Three years out of college and look where I am! Dad has told me to make a name for myself, or else I don’t inherit a cent. Well, I was working pretty well, and then this. I hope they don’t shoot us…

C’mon! They will not shoot us.

Can’t…

Hadn’t Frederick a.k.a Tessio explained to Harry that it was way too much trouble getting rid of the bodies… yes… we were safe… uh… Hannah is waking up. I think I better stop staring at her.

She’s kinda cute actually, especially when asleep… and when she is not shouting at me… oh she’s smiling! She smiled when she saw me!

* * *

Tell you Everything III

2006-05-01T21:27:00.001+05:30

I married the wrong woman… Technically (and a lot of Tech in this so listen up) this statement is a universal truth. Like ‘all the crap in the Universe is a constant’ – Rahul’s life at Mars.

Anything me and Syd did was never this absurd. In the old days it used to be okay… but now it was sick. Well, apparently that’s what happens when you grow older. You start thinking like an adult. You might still want to hold that teddy in the night, but you can’t because well, you can’t.

Well, I still think like a child, and it happened last Summer, I had a party in my place, Hannah and I were very good friends then and Diana was the main, well introduction to her. We wanted her to realize that Syd was stable and so he bought his steady girlfriend. Well, everything worked fine, till Shanice came. She was Syd’s other girlfriend. She was really a big mouth… and she was apparently talking to Hannah.

Yes, unfortunately they were friends…

But that is not really that big a deal… the problem was that Richard Wickman came in, another of Hannah’s friends… and uh… this might sound absurd, but well… he was actually Diana’s boyfriend.

She was just doing Syd a favor…

And Syd was doing a favor to me… (pretending to have a girl)

And Richard went ballistic.

And Hannah shouted.

We had both, Syd and I been drinking ever since Shanice had arrived… what followed was a really big argument. Shanice slapped Syd… and me! Why me? Well… she was angry. And Richard wanted to beat the pulp out of me. He walked out on Diana, who was in tears… and gave the complimentary slap before going.

Finally Hannah started to shout… and Syd did what eh thought would get her to shut up. He kissed her! I was a bit shocked… but Hannah… well… she looked like those people in horror movies who first see the creature. She threw stuff around… and called Syd all kinds of names and said she’d never see me again. That was her.

When I woke up, I was strapped to a chair and the room was like in those thriller movies when the people are being questioned. There was even the regulation bulb hanging over my face… and Scarlet was standing with another big guy. And I really mean big.

‘Hello’ I said weakly, my head hurt a little
‘Nice story Mr… want to tell me the truth now?’
‘What story?’
‘Who is the Don… who sent you?’
‘Mr. Albertoni… you should know that… you are his goddaughter. Let me go!’
‘Shut up’ the guy said.
One look at his muscles and I did shut up.

‘Okay… start talking… who told you that Scarlet was coming’
‘Do you refer to yourself in the third person?’

The two looked at each other.

‘Are you telling the truth?’ she asked
‘I’m not sure what I am telling’ I said ‘Who is this guy by the way?’
‘Ah… questions… you have a lot of questions right?’
‘Huh?’
‘Go on… ask us what you like’

Us… she said us.

‘Who are you?’ I asked… seemed like the most obvious question after the us.
‘Rachel Rice, FBI. And this big fat teddy is Mark Rosenberg… he has an incredible record of breaking jaws’

Hmm…

‘Oh’ I said slowly… my mind was of course working in over drive. ‘Call my house… Hannah will tell you I am being honest’
‘No need… we just want you to tell us who is the Don’
‘I told you… it’s Mr. Albertoni’
‘And who is that?’

Pause… a long, long pause.
‘Syd might know’ I said
‘That friend?’
‘Yes…’
’10 to one he’s on it as well’ Mark said and I made a really angry face, but that comment about broken jaws told me that I’d better be quiet.
‘Who was Scarlet?’ I asked
‘Oh… her? She’s in the cell… carrying drugs… said she was meeting her godfather and she didn’t know who he was…’

I added two and two together to get damn.

Scenario one:
Scarlet, the original one was just carrying these drugs, she gets caught and so then, this Scarlet… the fake one, takes her place… cause she is FBI… to test her story… It was only understandable that she wanted to know who the Don was. It was also completely logical that when I say Don Albertoni… they don’t understand… they are simply not from here.

Scenario Two:
It is the same as scenario one, except that Albertoni doesn’t actually exist at all.

Scenario Three:
It is the same as scenario two with the added disadvantage that Syd is somehow mixed up in it

Scenario Four:
This is not a good scenario. In involves a big guy thrashing a small guy because he thinks the small guy is lying.

‘What can I tell you? I have told you… Don Albertoni was just… well this Don kind of guy’
‘How do we know if he is telling the truth?’ Mark said
‘Well… we could go on with the game’ she said
‘No can do. We do that and this guy might want to call the cops… with local attention the FBI will have a trouble’
‘Why not ask a local FBI guy?’ I said
‘Ask him what?’ he said looking at me
‘If there is a Don kind of character in the town’

Both of them stared at me(I think they were thinking ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’) and then at each other(Now it was ‘Why didn’t you think of that?’)… Then at me, and then they smiled (And now they meant, ‘Well buddy… you didn’t think of that’)

Damn… they were stupid.

What would Syd do at this point? Eh would laugh and tell them they were such stupids…

But I like my jaw…

And I like kissing…

And sometimes Syd can be a bit of a fool.

She

2006-05-01T21:27:00.000+05:30

Here is the difference between Dante, Milton, and me. They wrote about hell and the devil and never saw the place. I wrote about myself after looking at myself for years and years

Perhaps the only thing more terrible that Tessio calling on me was Tessio calling me. Don’t believe me? Well, here I was, dreaming about Hannah, drinking booze and planning on what kind of life style would suit me… a gangster who threatened movie stars… and who had pictures of himself shooting a man with s shotgun.
Tessio called however and my line of thought was rudely interrupted… I was planning on a big limo of my own…

‘Hello’ I said
‘Yes… fine. Listen… Scarlette is coming down here in thirty minutes, you meet her on the airport. Don’t talk to her… she’s too good for you. Just drive her round to her hotel’
‘Hello?’ I said perplexed
‘You lousy son of a… it’s me!’
‘Oh… have we met?’
‘Need a reminder with the damn shotgun’

Oh… well. I was drunk and everything…

‘Oh… hi!’
‘You mad man… you said hi?’ He was shouting actually
‘Sorry, Hello’
‘Now shut up and go and pick up Scarlette’
‘Who is Scarlette?’
‘She’s the Don’s goddaughter’
‘Why do I have to pick her up?’
‘To drop her to the hotel you son-of-a-bitch-you!’
‘Can’t she like… take a cab’
‘Listen… you are about as close to getting killed and having your intestines eaten by stray dogs…as the nearest stray dog… so you better do as you are told’
‘Okay’
He hung up and I had a big smile on my face… Don’t look at her huh? Well Miss Scarlette… you are going to love me! I quickly put on my best looking suit and some killer perfume. And then… I called Hannah and told her what I had in mind. Hannah for once said she felt the idea was brilliant. If anything could get me out of this mess… it was this…

* * *

While waiting at the airport I put on some expensive deo and wrote down the name ‘S-C-A-R-L-E-T-T-E’ on a page and well… waited. The people were coming out… and finally a woman came and stood in front of me…

‘Scarlette?’ I asked
‘Scarlet’ she said
‘Good’ I said and picked up her bag…
‘No… I mean Scarlet as in S-C-A-R-L-E-T’
‘Oh… fine, no difference’
‘Makes a world of a difference… did Toni send you’
‘Toni who?’
‘You know… he big guy’

Tessio? He wasn’t very big…

‘Uh…’
‘I see you are new, good’
‘I don’t understand’ I said as I shifted my weight from one foot to another. She was so different. I had hoped to see a blonde idiot… this girl was very sharp and well… brunette.
‘Oh… the Don’
‘Yes… well’
‘How new are you?’
‘Two days?’
‘Oh… who are you’
‘Can we do this someplace else?’ I said looking around
She pointed to the coffee shop. Damn. Well, we sat and had our coffee’s and I told her what had happened. I removed Hannah so that I could get more sympathy.
‘Oh you poor little devil’
Was she making fun of me? I mean I was unemployed and so my ego was the size of a peanut.
‘It’s not that bad’ I said to keep my self respect ‘I’m a gangster now. It has benefits’
‘Benefits?’
‘Well the Tom Cruise thing… like I never expected to meet the guy otherwise’
‘Stop being silly, you could end up in jail’

Here I made and error and I would not realize it of course until later
‘Maybe… but maybe not… how can they arrest me. The Don will help’
‘He will, will he?’ she asked testily
‘Heck how should I know… you are his goddaughter… you tell me’
‘Come here’ she said and moved closer. Soon she was kissing me. This was both completely unexpected and disastrous… I was supposed to kidnap her. I was supposed to take her to my house… Hannah was to help me in getting this girl to co-operate… but… well… umm… nice kiss…
We were driving in the car and well, the airport is quite far off from the main city and it was kind of a not too busy time. I was looking ahead and planning how this sweet girl would react if she was threatened with a gun.
‘Where are we going?’
‘You are supposed to tell me’
‘Hey, how about you place?’ she was smiling in this seductive sort of way. I smiled back. I just had looked back ahead when… she hit me!

She hit me behind my head, and I well… I think I fainted, because when I got up… I was not in the car… but well I didn’t have time to think that then, because at that moment as I said… I fainted.
There was more to her I believe than her brown hair and her soft sweet kisses. Damn her, damn Hannah, damn Tessio, damn Syd and most of all damn the goddamn Don!

First Assignment

2006-05-01T21:26:00.000+05:30

Money differs from an automobile, a mistress, or cancer in being equally important to those who have it and those who do not.

I was little skeptical of yet another limo ride with Tessio but when he picked me up the next day… there was little else that I could do. I had not raised the topic of doctored images. Neither had Tessio.
‘It’s a simple thing. You’ll be with me. Just talk normal. Don’t try to create an accent. You’ll have to say nothing if everything goes smoothly. I’ll tilt my head to the left if it’s a no answer, and to the right if it’s yes. Answer only in yes and no. Got that?’
‘Okay’
‘We will be meeting Tom Cruise… the movie star’
‘Who?’ Was he kidding?
‘Tom Cruise… he worked in Mission Impossible. You don’t know him?’
‘I know him… but Tom? Wow!’
‘Don’t get excited… the guy owes us some money’
‘Tom Cruise owes you money?’
‘Not… me… the Don!’ He shouted
‘Okay… he owes the Don money?’
‘Loads of it. He made a sequel to the movie… MI 4. A big flop. We had given him some money for it. Now he’s trying to wriggle out of the deal’
‘Oh’

Wow I was going to meet Tom Cruise!

This gangster stuff was some fun after all!

We entered this hotel room. A real cheap hotel room. I’d like to emphasize this part. It seemed like another joke or something. But we entered a room and sure enough it was Tom Cruise. Or an amazing look-alike.

Then he smiled and I knew…

It was Tom Cruise!

‘Hello Mr. Freddie Albertoni… it’s so nice to finally meet you’ He said shaking my hand. I said nothing... he had called me Freddie… shit. I sat down on the couch in the room and waited for the head shakes.

Actually I sat cause I would have fainted otherwise… I mean Tom Cruise!

‘So… Mr. Cruise… the payments’ Tessio began
‘Yes… I know… you know Mr. Freddie… I’ve been thinking… You like art don’t you?’ He asked me.
‘Quit stalling’ Tessio barked
‘I’m not stalling… I’m just trying to say that MI IV was a work of art… so surely Mr. Albertoni would not mind a small loss’
‘Mr. Albertoni does mind a loss!’ he shouted
Tom looked at me and asked…
‘Do you…’

I looked at Tessio. He shook his head to the left.

‘No’ I said
‘You see?’ Tom said pleased
When I looked at Tessio… he was fuming. Hell he suggested the answer.

For the next few minutes Tom asked me all types of questions and told me how I should appreciate his work. He asked me if I did… Tessio shook his head to the left and I said yes. But Tessio seemed to be irritated once I said it.
Suddenly Tom said…
‘So I don’t have to pay right?’ He asked
I looked at Tessio. He shook his head to the left

C’mon!

I looked at Tessio a bit longer. He shook his head to the left again.

‘No’ I said.

A burst of activity took place.

Tom laughed and almost fell of his seat and Tessio gave out an irritated cry. I looked at them both perplexed.

Then Tessio pulled out his gun and I saw the first sign of trouble. He approached Tom and put the gun to his head and said.
‘You will pay… or else you will die… get that!’

GOD!

Before I could make out what was happening Tessio had pulled me out of the room and was shouting at me all the way to the car.

‘It was my left and right you idiot. My left and right. You messed up everything. I’d assumed you’d use your head at least a bit’

Oh… he meant his shaking his head to his right was my left… so both by answers were supposed to be Yes. As in ‘Yes’ I don mind his jot paying and ‘Yes’ he has to pay!

Oh

Simple huh?

Funny ain’t it?

You do realize of course that I knew what I was doing…

And that I did it on purpose…

You don’t?

Well… that’s maybe because I didn’t either.

I got home drained. Tom Cruise knew me! Yippee… As a gangster… Wow… I mean… damn…

An awkward though just hit me… I threatened Tom Cruise with a gun… What would his ex… I mean Nicole Kidman fell about that? I hope she likes the idea cause have I failed to mention it? I like that chick… she’s pale, a bit too pale, almost a ghost… but oh so beautiful!

Tell you Everything II

Nicole Kidman…she was…Incredibly, inordinately, devastatingly, immortally, calamitously, hearteningly, adorably beautiful. But she’s was married and her husband gives me the creeps…

A lot of crazy things can happen if you are not careful. And in college who is? Well, we were, Syd and I, in that category… Not careful, but carefree… This work carefree makes no sense… If you are full of care… you are careful… so if you don’t give a damn… why is it carefree? Why not careempty?

Careempty?

Syd came up with that idea and the two of us were in the editorial board of the college newsletter… so we decided to become careempty… We wrote about whatever we wanted and didn’t give a damn… Oh we didn’t go in for censored stuff… Just the lousy bit about someone’s face… our ex-girlfriend’s for example… and about the idiot jocks in the college.

We ended up beaten up by those jocks and as far as the girls were concerned… they complained to the principal…

‘You two… YOU OUGHT TO BE THROWN OUT!’
I was the damn topper of my class… he would not dare… and Syd? He was not really a topper, but his father had donated a lot of funds for the college… sure we had leverage to play with… that is why we became careempty…

‘Well say something!’ he said
‘What?’ Syd said looking at him
‘If we say sorry, I believe you will rant about our being a disgrace and how our sorry’s mean nothing… if we say we won’t repeat it, you will say you have heard that one before… if you say…

‘YOU ARE RESTIGATED’ he shouted

Silence.

I could hear the chair creak under the weight of the fatso as he leaned back savoring the moment of victory… He had removed us from the institution! Damn Syd how could he say something like that?

‘No we aren’t’ Syd said calmly
‘What?’
‘I spoke to the Director of the board of trustees… he’s a friend of dad’s and he believes in free speech. He read the paper… he said he found nothing offensive’
My heart started beating again.

‘What does he mean? Mr. Cavendish …’
‘Is my uncle’ Syd finished.

BOY!

We were out by the time the principal dialed the number. We were a bunch of idiots… Syd in particular…
However that night Syd said it was not such a good idea being carefree (Not careempty, but carefree…) because he said, anything that is free… is useless. Ever tried the free sweets they serve?

Ha ha! I know, I know… this sounds terrible and that I am a pathetic author… Maybe I should describe Syd more… or the atmosphere… or that ugly round, red face of the principal… who cares though? Not me… I think it’s okay… I mean after all going to simply write it now… and think later.

But lets go back shall we, lets explore Syd. Who was he? Why were we friends? What made it possible for us to stick together even now? We were, both of us… two crazily talented chaps. Stage, and I mean stage and plays… we would conduct them. We had also… as I just mentioned been together in the for the Crimson. We had done a load of stuff together and basically if in college you do anything… you remember it. I did.

But this is nothing really about Syd. He was basically a fun loving person whose father was a politician. A republican candidate. So, he was always away from home. Even now, it was clear that his father was going to run for Senator. What if he won? Man!
Well… he didn’t really like politics and he wrote a load of crap in the Crimson about it. In fact, rather ironically… his favorite song was ‘Pigs (three different ones)’ from Animals… a song by Pink Floyd. A song about politicians…
This political angle affected his college life. People knew whom to contact if they wanted a job done. He was resourceful… and he was a friend. He was the best they come. He’d basically lie for you, die for you… man he’d fly for you!
We were doing our MBA. A rather sick course and time was always short, but we managed to kill it anyway. Time after all was there all the time! There were few folks from the Law college we knew. And with the so-called-gang, we did what no one else dared to do… during one of the exams… we all spent the nights partying…

I almost failed.

Later when we worked together in the same bank… Syd came up with some ideas all the time. Like sending my profile in lonely hearts magazine and getting me some strange blind dates…

And I really mean blind dates… as in B-L-I-N-D!

MAN! How did she read the column?

Tell you everything

2006-05-01T21:25:00.000+05:30

I do not suffer from insanity… I enjoy every moment of it!

College was like a movie. Things happened at random. One minute we had something happening. The next moment something else. Syd made it like that… different.

I was sitting in my bed writing this… an alternate career was writing. It was eleven. Had woken up at ten thirty… Find it amusing do you that I wake up late cause I don’t have a job? Well if God had not meant everyone to be in bed by ten-thirty, He would never have provided the ten o'clock newscast.
The bell rung. I hoped it was anyone but Tessio… even the IRA.

It was Tessio.

Damn.

‘Good morning’ he said
‘Good morning’ I said dutifully

He handed me an envelope and left.

This was strange. The envelope was heavy. I ripped it open fearing the worst.

GODDAMMIT I WAS RIGHT!

BLACKMAIL!

THEY HAD DOCTORED THE IMAGES!

SHIT!

The letter was brief and to the point.

Mr. Garner
You have an obligation to the family now whether you like it or not. Freddie was a dear son. Till he gets fine… your life is mine. You will deal for Freddie till he is sick.
Oh and pray he gets well. Else these pictures will be posted anonymously to people you’d rather keep them away from.
Don

To an extent I did not even care. Why would I?

My life was almost over the moment I found out it was Freddie Albertoni I had hit. I assumed the Don would shoot me as soon as he came in.

And now… I was a pawn in his hands.

I called Syd. He said he’d be right over. This was like the damage control mode. When Syd came I showed him the pictures. He was not really stunned as I had expected he would be.

‘Keep them away from Hannah’ he said after a while.

No arguments there.

Hannah would have killed me.

He saw the papers scattered on the floor and asked me what it was.

‘Alternate career’
‘Huh?’
‘I’m writing things… maybe a book’
‘Oh…’
‘Every little bit helps’
‘Fine’ he said, but I could see his mind was on other things…

Of course he blamed himself… he was the one who got me mixed up with Albertoni… if he hadn’t asked me to come… I might have stayed at home till the beer wore out…. Instead… I went about driving with high blood content in my alcohol stream…

Oops… I meant high alcohol content in my blood steam…

Part of its madness

2006-05-01T21:23:00.000+05:30

TV...is our latest medium—we call it a medium because nothing in it is well done.

It is next morning. I am in my house. Hannah has gone. I am alone and miss her again. But it is a different type of missing…

I asked her if she’d like to move back in.

She said she’d think about it. I don’t blame her. I was part-gangster now… I’d have to let her think-about-it. Damn… the bells ringing.

It’s eight ‘o clock.

Who could it be?

Hannah?

I wish.

I opened the door and got… shocked. Tessio… he was here. He was dressed in that impeccable black suit and jacket. He had a parcel in his hand.

‘Good morning’ I said and stepped aside to let him in.

‘Hello’ he said and walked past purposefully. He walked to the centre of the room and placed the package in the center table. I walked up behind him and gazed stupidly at the package.

‘Open it’ he said. He was actually smiling!

I gently picked it up. It was slightly bigger than a champagne bottle. But it was not liquid. I opened it halfway and then dropped it in a stunned silence.

Another shock!

Crazy!

No way!

THIS JUST CANNOT BE HAPPENING TO ME!

A 12 Barrel shotgun!

‘This is a shotgun! What am I to do with a shotgun? What the hell is this about? I was told I was to work the money. What the hell is this? This… this is a shotgun!’

‘Calm down… you are repeating yourself’ He was grinning

‘I DON’T CARE!’ I shouted like a child.

‘Shut up’ He said stonily. The grin vanished.

This was crazy. I didn’t need this. C’mon… I’m not a goddamn gangster.

He picked up the packet and removed the gun and handed it to me. The look on his face was so scary that I took the gun… with shaking hands. But when he left it… I dropped it to my feet and moved back.

‘I can’t’ I said shaking my head

He took a few steps closer; I moved back… damn the couch. I fell backwards and he leaned over me. He smelled like nothing I knew… it was an artificial smell.

‘Listen you chicken. If you think you can wriggle your way out of this god forsaken bullshit by playing sissy… then think again. Until Freddie gets up and forgives you… which I doubt will be anytime soon… you are going to do exactly as I say. Is that clear?’

No it was not!

‘Yes’ I said slowly. He relaxed the expression on his face and moved back.

‘But why do I need to keep that gun?’ I asked

‘Pictures’ He said

What?

‘You are going to be a part of the family… so we need to take pictures… can’t do it without a gun… and some prey’

What?

‘What prey?’ I asked confused

‘Oh you’ll see.’

In a few minutes I was sitting once again in the black limo and Tessio was perhaps taking me somewhere… to take my picture… Picture?

Why a picture?

Blackmail?

They take my picture with a dead man and claim I killed him. Perfect for blackmail.

But what could I do?

The car was heading to the outskirts of the city. Fast. God I needed Syd. What the hell was I going to do? Why didn’t I listen to Hannah. I could have been spared this. It was okay till I had to do some laundering with the money… but these guys had some other plans for me.

I will never drink and drive again.

Never ever again.

Not even if Tessio accompanied me in every car ride.

The car came to a halt in the forest area outside the city. So quite. I could actually hear birds and things… never heard them in the city. Well… you know something… I could shoot this guy right here and no one will be the wiser. No one. Not a soul. It’s so quiet.

Will not work though. I mean, first I crash with the son of a Mafia Don and he goes into a coma and then I shoot the right hand man of the Don (no offense but this Don business sounds cheeky and stupid. I really expected the Mafia to be different. Well… not this different anyway. Too much like the Godfather.

Come to think of it… not at all like it. Hell I didn’t even know Tessio’s real name! And right now with the heavy burden of the gun in my lap… I didn’t feel like asking. But we had stopped and so we had to get out. Oh damm why did I get mixed in all this?

Damn the why’s!

We walked a distance from the car. It was a forest… brown and like dust. It was crazy. C’mon… it almost looked like a movie setting. And there was something lying in the ground a distance away. As I stopped and stared I saw Tessio had a camera out. Shit… it was true. Blackmail.

‘I won’t do this’ I said

‘It’s a dear’ he said smiling

‘What?’

‘Dear’

Was he nuts?

‘Go look… it’s only dear… an animal’ He said smiling more now

Animal? Oh… a deer? Oh… so… was this just a family picture?

‘Why the picture?’ I asked

‘The Don came to America from Sicily. He likes to keep a record of whom he hires. He likes to make an identification card. And a photo album. The picture must be with a gun. You… you won’t shoot a man. So… a deer’ he gestured to the animal. ‘Actually… no one shoots a man’

‘No one?’ I asked incredulous

‘Too risky. We have to get rid of bodies and stuff. Animals are easier.’

What the hell. Was he kidding? This was too… well, funny!

‘No one shoots a man?’

‘We can… but we avoid it. I for one don’t care’ he said grinning.

What a bunch of idiots. This was actually a disappointment. I would have preferred a bunch of blood thirsty Sicilians. These guys seemed to be not at all like the image of Sicilians I had. The black hats, the oiled hair was okay. But what this guy was talking about. It seemed like the Mafia had softened a bit. Forced to? Ah well… life was not television. Or maybe a cheap humorous version of Mario Puzo.

I don’t remember clearly… but we took two photographs. Then we packed and left. I wasn’t really paying much attention. The damn gun was not even loaded!

Madness really. Total madness.

A reasonable man, period.

2006-05-01T21:21:00.000+05:30

Mary had a little lamb. The doctor fainted.

I don't know what Harry has been telling you guy's, but I am a really together person. You know, together... as in sane. Not insane, but sane. I have my impulsive moments... like the time I kissed Hannah and asked her to marry me. She was actually going out with Harry at that point of time. Harry understood that I was drunk and everything. Well... Hannah didn't. And she was kind of really angry at Harry that he was still friends with me. Well... I was a good friend. I never meant to trouble them.

I apologized for my behavior even. I had after all introduced Hannah to my girl-friend Diana the very same day... Well, Hannah had thought that Diana was just you know a make shift. That made me angry. Oh and that made Diana angry too. Loads of slapping took place and Diana who also got angry with me… Me! But then for some strange reason Hannah dumped Harry and I came back in the picture.

Only thing... Diana was out of the picture too... and the fun bit was that Diana had never really been in the picture… she was just helping me assure Hannah that I was stable.

Or so I’d like to think. Was Hannah right about me? What had she called me? Anti-commitment phobic... how did she work out such a word in the first place? Ah well! I was waiting for Harry. Had to get him a new career… I knew I could help. I had a nice idea. Mr. Santino Albertoni. A kind of Godfather type character. He and I had a conversation and he said he could do me a favor. More like extend me a favor if I remember. Well... I hoped he would do something. He was to meet us later tonight.

Where was Harry? I hate it when he is late. I hate it when anyone is late. I simply can't stand it. I feel like breaking something... like their head!

Oooh, phone's ringing.

Shit.

Harry's had a damn accident. What the hell! Now where have they taken him. Paterson's Clinic. Wow! Who the hell is going to pay their over-charged bills? Shit, Shit, Shit!

When I reached the hospital I called Mr. Albertoni and told him of the... development. He took is surprisingly well. He actually told me he'd show up himself. Wow! This could still work out better for Harry! I knew Mr. Albertoni from work. I did banking for him. My idea was that someone like Albertoni could hire a personal banker. Albertoni had liked the idea. I told him of Harry and he said he'd meet Harry and decide. Well... he was a 'kind' man. For a mafia guy... Okay... if this sounds too much like a godfather thing... believe me. It was. I mean we are talking bodyguards and stuff. Why would he need them if he wasn't mafia? He had to be mafia.

It was a guess. But I had my suspicions on the amount of money he had. How the hell did one restraunt and one night-club generate so much money?

I met Harry in his room. He was worried.

'What the hell were you doing?' I asked as I sat down

'Driving'

'Drunken driving more like it'

'Well…' he gestured helplessly

He looked so beaten I didn't want to hurt him more. So I decided to console him.

'Ah! Shit happens' I said sitting down

'Only to me' Harry said. I looked carefully. He wasn't badly hurt. Maybe I could get him out tonight, in which case the bill wouldn't be too much.

'Well... you aren't hurt'

'Yeah... but the other guy is… in a goddamn coma'

'What other guy?'

'The guy in the other car'

'Oh...' This was bad

'Who was he?'

'Someone called Freddie Albertoni'

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit

Does this make any sense?

Can it be just a co-incidence?

Oh my GOD!

Freddie Albertoni... Mr Albertoni's son… That spoilt brat. Shit. And Harry was drunk. Oh my god!

'That is incredibly bad' I said getting up.

I decided to get him out as quickly as possible. But the damn nurse told me that the police had told the authorities not to let him go. Shit! My friend was going to be on the hit list of the Mafia!

Harry! He was going to be... I AM NOT GOING TO THINK LIKE THAT!

But...

What I need is someone cool headed; like Hannah... or Diana even! Oh my god! I explained everything to Harry. Harry was quite when he heard the entire thing. I was worried, but Harry seemed nonplussed. He was taking this surprisingly well. Almost as if he didn't care. Well... Harry was always the simple guy. He liked simple things. Nothing too complicated. Even in college he was the simpler guy who did not like strange things… who never took a risk. But… he had so many crushes… I lost count.

He was of course the most talked about person you could find. He made faces… spoke differently. He was a special case. A Jim Carrey in class is always gonna attract loads of attention. However… it was not the Jim Carrey I was seeing now… this was a simple Harry. The changed Harry.

After the break-up. After Hannah. I think the Damn theory was implemented.

He was a typical nice guy. Well... nice guys aren't supposed to end up dead. I decided I was going o help my friend. We were on the first floor. Okay... the window had no grill.

We could run. I opened the window and looked down. If we got on the ledge and walked carefully, we could reach the drain pipe and make our way down. It could work. I turned around to tell Harry of my brilliant idea.

When I turned however... the idea ended up being useless. Mr Albertino was standing at the doorway with his two bodyguards. I could distinctly make out the guns in their waist.

Oh Shit.

'Ah... Syd... I see you are with your friend' He said in a mocking voice.

I glanced at Harry. He wasn't even looking at him.

'Mr. Albertoni... I can explain...' I began, but he raised his hand to silence me. He walked in and the guards closed the door behind him. They weren't inside.

That was a comfort.

Well... they couldn't shoot someone in a hospital... there would be witnesses. Nah... I think we were safe for the moment.

'It seems your friend here crashed with my son tonight. Interesting… You see, Freddie… he’s in a coma. Poor Freddie… but life takes it’s course of events… and we are just to play along. What a coincidence?' He paused and sat down on a chair near the door. Harry was looking at him.

The Don took out a cigar and was placed it between his lips. I quickly reached for my lighter and lit it up. He took a deep puff and stared at Harry… Harry… (the idiot) stared back.

'What I find really strange however is that you think I’d hurt Harry. Now... why would I do that?' he said that looking right at me. Then he smiled. He looked more like a joker, but there were guys with guns outside and that was something not to laugh about if you could help it.

I could not really understand what he was saying. The man was so much like Marlon Brando. He even sounded like him. Maybe he did it on purpose. Sicilian huh? Well... maybe he even pretended to be that. Not too well I might add.

'You must realize that we Sicilians don't believe in taking rash decisions. Your friend can be an asset. He will be working for me. Only thing is... he's GOT to work for me. If he doesn't... well... we Sicilians aren't known to forgive. Not unless we are determined to spread goodwill.'

Something about his repetitive ‘we Sicilians’ was a bit strange.

‘In America it has been a problem for us. We have found it hard to trust people. But America is a free land eh? Makes your children rebel… just look at my daughter eh?’

'What work?' Harry asked. The guy was digging his way to an early grave.

'Oh... money laundering' The Don said blowing out more smoke.

He said it as if it were nothing. I knew I was doing it for him. But I hadn’t expected Albertoni to be so open about it. Was he not afraid of the FBI? Or did that happen only in the movies?

'Don't look so shocked. It's pretty common anyway. You'll be told how to work. Syd has been doing it for a while now. Only he hasn’t been able to make out where the money comes from. And about my son… he was a spoilt brat. I hope you can serve a better purpose than him.'

He got up and turned to leave. Then he turned back and walked to Harry and touched his Harry's forehead with his palm.

'You shall of course also have to do some other duties'

'Like what?' Oh Harry wasn't really lending any respect to this man. I could swear I saw a tinge of anger rise in the old man.

'You'll be told in the morning. Get well. And Syd' He turned to me, 'Never consider the window... many people have injured themselves that way. It only works in movies and cheap thrillers'

Saying that the man turned and left… a reasonable man…

Damn… my friend was to become a goddamn gangster. I almost envy him.

It’s called vanilla Talk

Women and logic are two parallel lines, if they meet at infinity… its noise

And why we miss people we have pledged to forget?

I miss Hannah.

I know she doesn’t miss me. She never calls. She never was the emotional type. She never cared so much. But I miss her. For hours, an impossible time, whole afternoons… turning into days. Only one thought. Where is she? What is she doing? I cannot call her you see. I cannot let her think I’m broken.

But I am.

Incredibly

Totally

Hopelessly

In love…

Love?

I try to relive every precious memory of our time together. I listen to her voice close to tears. But my appetite is hard to satisfy. I have wild thoughts… random thoughts of us together…

On a beach. Walking barefoot. Maybe I’d sigh… look at her…

But I sigh again… SHE IS NOT COMING BACK

I WILL NOT CALL HER

NEVER

I WONT EVEN ANSWER HER CALLS

OUT OF THE QUESTION

Unless of course if it’s important….

What about Syd? Well… he left last night a little worried for me. He’s worried that I blame him for this unusual job… Well… I don’t actually. I like it. I could be a Michael Corleone. I know I look bit like Al Pacino. Always did. That’s why Hannah liked me…

Yeah right… since she couldn’t get Pacino… she’ll do with Harry Garner… Woman’s logic. Nah!

She liked me. I could tell. Ever since we met in college. She just didn’t have a very good way of showing it right now.

I mean a woman wouldn’t stay with you if she didn’t care at all… would she?

Well if she did… she’d be a bitch.

And Hannah was not a bitch.

Oops nurse is staring at me.

I was waiting for someone to release me form the hospital. You see, the nurses were staring at me … and I didn’t have any cash on me to free myself. As I was pondering over this, a man came inside. He was a mafia guy. I just knew it. He even hat, a trademark hat.

Nice suit.

Is there something like a tailor of the Mafia?

Will he make me a free suit?

‘Hello Mr. Garner’ He said. A cold, sharp voice. He gave me the shivers. Reminded me of someone like Tessio. Would he like… kill me?

Not in a hospital.

‘Hi’

‘I said Hello…. Not hi. Else it’s dis-respect-ful’ He said, sounding irritated

‘Hello’ I said meekly

‘Get ready’

Before I knew it… I was outside the hospital and in limo…

What a limo! I knew this gangster business was going to make me rich… Nice life huh? And just a little bit of illegal work. I’d have to just hide some money form the IRA. Not like I’d do anything bad. Like shooting someone… Or robbing a bank.

‘You’ll be doing the money’ he said to me

‘I know… Mr. Albertoni told me last night.

He flinched at the name…

‘You call him Don… You say… the Don told me. Else it’s dis-respect-ful’

‘Okay, Sorry’ I said… I wanted to laugh… but you can’t laugh in front of Tessio

‘Here’s your home’ he said

I looked out. Sure it was. I got out and smiled back at him. He just looked at me till I realized I was to beat it. I turned on my heel and left.

Madman.

I opened the door and got the shock of my life.

You see, my door opens straight in the drawing room. And right in the centre… bound in ropes was…

Guess who?

Syd Barett? No…

Mr. Albertoni? Gaah! Don Albertoni? No…

It was… HANNAH!

I ran up to her and removed the bandage from her mouth. It must have hurt a little.

‘YOU SON OF A BITCH’ she shouted

I replaced the bandage. I have a real small ego you could say, because I don’t take insults very well.

‘You insult me again and I’ll just toss you out the way you are’ I said stonily

She blinked. I removed the bandage and unbound her ropes while she just looked hazily at me. I was not even thinking straight. Who could have done it? Tessio? Syd? Both seemed improbable.

‘Who did this to you?’ I asked when she was… free

‘You did’ she said angrily. I pulled the ropes and picked up the bandage again… ‘Okay, okay… I’m sorry’ she said backing away a little. She was not exactly injured, but a little bruised.

‘I-did-not’ I said finally

‘Oh… that’s really cheek. But it has to be someone you know’

I got up and went to get some beer for both of us. On the fridge was a message pinned with a magnet.

‘A man who can’t take care of his girl… is no man… D’

Right now… I’d have strangled that Don.

Even if Tessio found it dis-respect-ful

Or anyone for that matter.

I tore the message and got back to find Hannah trying to rub her feet. I gave her the beer that she accepted almost smiling now and I rubbed her feet.

‘Who did it?’ She asked

‘Don Albertoni’ I told her

‘Who?’

Then I told her everything. From the day she left me… to last night. She listened silently. Which was a bit unlike her. Too much unlike her.

‘I’ve missed you’ I said at last.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah…’

‘Why?’ she asked

‘Well… I’ve missed you… so I have missed you’ I said again

She smiled back.

‘Me too, but… you see the mess you’ve gotten into?’ She was gesturing all over the room.

It was a mess.

But like I had a job now!

Even if I was a gangster… and it was all illegal.

‘I have a better job’ I said

‘Oh… you can’t seriously consider that. The FBI will get you’

‘No they won’t’

‘This is not a movie’

‘It’s safe… trust me’ I said

‘And you’ll trust Syd she said narrowing her eyes. Not a good sign.

‘Let’s talk about it later… I… I wanna talk about you’

‘That is both incredibly flattering and stupid. You realize that this man is using force. They kidnapped me!’ She was right. This was a bit dangerous.

‘But they just want me to work out the money… if I do that… its okay’

‘Is it? What if they are setting you up?’

‘Meaning?’

A conspiracy theory?

It was possible.

No… c’mon. This is Don Albertoni. Syd said he was a reasonable man.

But Syd has his issues… right?

‘But if I don’t do it… they could use that force on me’

‘Yeah… well’

‘I’ll work something out’ I said after a while.

‘You do that’ She said, she wasn’t really looking at me. Maybe she was thinking of a plan.

‘Hannah’

‘Yes?’

‘Are you still angry?’

‘No, Silly’

Heck she didn’t even smile.

‘Hannah’

‘Yes?’

I moved closer and kissed her in the cheek.

‘Harry’ she said while I hugged her.

‘hmm…’ Umm….

‘You are an idiot’ she said, moving her lips on mine.

Yes… we’re back.

We’ll talk again… of this and that. It’s what I call Vanilla talk.

You know why?

Cause I love Vanilla. And that… is something to talk about.

A long day that's not exactly perfect , but kind of crazy

2006-05-01T21:19:00.000+05:30

It has been discovered experimentally that you can draw laughter from an audience anywhere in the world, of any class or race, simply by walking on to a stage and uttering the words "I am a married man".

Booze is supposed to clam the nerves, and a fag is supposed to help you think clearly… as in excite the nerves… So if I take booze and have a fag… does on feel normal? I woke up with a headache. It’s been thirteen days. It seems like longer. It seems like months. It was a sad, sad thing. Norah Jones is playing on the radio. Even they know that all I think about is… ‘Don’t know why’ Oh I don’t know why… and yes… the fag helps to think clearly…

It’s Sunday, but I have to work. I am sitting in my bed and I am thinking. Why? Why do I have to work on a Sunday? Am I to be singled out like this for everything? Do I need to work at all? And if yes… why on a day when the world relaxes?

Well… for the past thirteen days… I’ve eaten little, almost not slept at all…and to begin all that got dumped…

I feel Romantic huh?

So many things…

Man! I have to forget about it. I need to forget about it…

I look at the clock on the table. It’s quarter to eight. A few more minutes and I’ll have to start rushing about to reach office… on time. Every time. I was proud of how I was always on time. I doubt if it matters really. No one notices these things. They only notice if you are late. And no one Notices me. No one.

I need a drink.

I am now in living room. If possible, it is messier than last week… Syd was here last night. He had cleaned up a bit. Then we had gotten incredibly drunk and the place is as before… if not worse. It was nice of Syd to drop by like that. But so stereotypical… almost like himself… a bit too much like him.
Damm, even the drink seems to be devoid of the harshness I need. Oh why? No… not that again. Not the why’s…

But then what? Ah… that’s better… what?

What is it? Is this a hangover?

I should know… have had a lot of them lately…

I shut of the radio and put on a CD of Dire Straits. It’s Brothers’ in Arms… on repeat. The song is damn emotional. About war and all. Not the kind of war I was involved in… about real war… But the mood suits the impending doom in my life since Hannah left.

But I’m not going to think about it.

Too late… I'm thinking of her already...

Oh why?

Damn… the why’s again… I need another fag.

Haven’t got any on me, will have to go down and get some. I’ll be late for work. Oh who cares? Well… now it’s a who?

It has to be a hangover.

Nothing like one to make you all philosophical.

I put on a dark over coat and left my apartment. I have locked my doors… I have checked. I won’t check again. Hannah never liked that I did. I will not think about it!

But Hannah doesn't care right... so why am I doing what she would have wanted me to do?

I walked back to my apartment and checked the damn door. It was locked. Old habits die hard... oh well.... the saying goes something like that...

The stairs are almost floating. It no longer has to be a hangover… most certainly is one! Oh… I can feel the headache getting stronger. Maybe I’ll skip the fag and just take a walk like Hannah used to recommend. Do I need a walk? Do I need to do what she’d have liked? If I did, then I’d have to skip Syd’s company. But I could never do that. I never could. I know him since college… Something I can’t think of right now…

Simply not an option.

Even if she came back.

Unless of course Syd didn’t mind.

Which I'm sure is not what I want to even consider!

What am I saying? When she left me… Syd’s sticking with me. Hey… a girl can’t hurt me that bad. I can live without her. Yeah… Hannah… I can!

I’M FINE WITHOUT YOU!

Oops… I actually shouted that on the street. A woman who was walking her dog looked at me and frowned. I smiled back, and then grimaced as I looked down like a child who had made a mistake.

Oh… I haven’t shaved in days… I must look like a vagabond. Even my jacket is old. It’s got a stain of coffee in the left arm. I dropped some a few days ago when I was drunk… which was all through the week.

My mobile is ringing…

‘Hell…’ I meant hello, but my voice was gruff and the words just didn’t come out.

‘Hi Harry… so… how’s it going?’ It was Syd Barret. My best buddy since the college days, he shares the name with the flamboyant acid-eating extraordinaire Syd Barret from the rock band Pink Floyd…

‘Fine… I guess’

‘Uh… listen, I actually called cause I want to meet you’

‘Okay… my place?’

‘No… how about Jack’s Diners huh?’ He sounded edgy

‘Okay’

‘Fifteen minutes?’

So quick?

‘So quick?’

‘Yeah… well, I had to explain it to you last night, but I wasn’t able to. The Jack has been asking me since morning if I had told you’

Jack was my boss.

‘What is it?’ I asked

‘It’s better if we meet’

‘Tell me now’

‘Oh… actually… you’re fired’

Fired?

Oh…

Shit

‘Why?’

Damn the why’s!

‘Well… you have skipped three important meetings in the last ten days. Jack had been calling you and you’ve actually cut the line twice… he’s angry’

Oh that… I had actually canceled the call. Interesting huh? I just didn’t feel like talking so I cut the line while Jack was in mid-sentence… well… I was drunk

Like, really, really drunk...

Man! I’ve lost my Job…

What am I really expected to do?

'Hey Harry, you there?' Syd sounded worried

'Lets skip the Diners huh?' I said finally

'You gonna be alright?'

'Yeah... I needed a new job anyway. The routine... it was killing me' I sounded so damn unconvincing... I wanted to scream and shout.

But that would have been too unlike me... I couldn't really complain could I? I knew I had been doing no real work. I was being lazy and unreliable.

And a snob.

A snob?

Oh... yeah... attitude problem.

Hannah told me that one.

She used to know all about that.

I was now quite far from my home and it wasn't exactly a friendly neighborhood. I decided I'd better leave before I got mugged or something.

Too late I guess.

Just as I turned around I saw three black guys walking behind me. They had there hands in their hands in their pockets.

Shit.

I waited any moment now I was going to be banged on the head, backed up against the wall and beaten to pulp… and then they make some silly jokes on how sissy I was and see how much cash I had… I could see it all too clearly.

They came closer. I stiffened. They walked past, eying me suspiciously...

Damn.

Not every black man is a bad man huh?

I feel like a racist.

Hannah however was a racist. She felt black was bad.

I WILL NOT THINK ABOUT HANNAH!!!

Damn what a start to the day. I got fired goddammit!

I’m back home… feel almost dizzy, can sleep on that couch…

* * *

PHONE!

Syd called again. It already evening and I feel terrible. I was thinking all afternoon and flicking the channels. I need a job. I will have to pay the bills and stuff. And really... all this country doesn't need is one more person who is economically unable to support himself. A smart, bright person like me...

I could of course write a book… and publish it. Who knows… I could be the country’s biggest sensation. I can almost read the headlines… Harry Garner… literary world’s most sensitive author…

I know I can do a bit of humor…

Yeah, right...

Notice how those two positives actually make a negative?

Interesting.

Syd has an idea he says... he told me to meet him at the Diners. Said he had a brilliant idea...

He normally does...

And they sometimes don’t work.

I don't even want to think about the time he had the idea about the billboard.

Or the boathouse…

Oh damn!

Maybe... maybe Hannah was right when she told me to stay away from Syd. He does come up with some wild ideas. And sometimes those ideas have gotten us in trouble. Or made me nearly bankrupt. But he's okay. I mean he still has a job. And a steady girlfriend...

And I don't have either.

Oops... look at the time! I'll be late for the Diners... I do hope he'll pay the bill. I'll have to conserve now that I'm unemployed.

I drive carefully. I know that I am drunk... still. I was a bit easy on the beer in the afternoon. Can't expect to be completely sober when have just lost job... right?

How do people normally cope with being fired?

I could go and burn up my office...

Bad choice as the company would obtain Insurance money and my friends will be the ones out of the job and who shall suffer...

I could start a company in competition... but that needs capital. And I don't really have that.

I could join the competing company and teach them son's a bitches a lesson... Only thing... no one will appoint me.

Or I could become that famous author and then make public statements… that’s the second time I got that idea…

And I know none of them will work… so... I'd better keep my head straight, drive carefully, and see what Syd has to offer. Hopefully he'll have a good idea.

It's raining.

Have you ever seen the rain?

I mean actually seen in?

Oh... of course you have... what a stupid question.

But I like it right now. I'll have to run the wipers... it's getting all blurry.

Oh Shit!

That car!

CRASH!

Shit.

Why can't I do anything right?

Publishing Quater Life Crisis

2006-05-01T21:17:00.000+05:30

Quarter Life Crisis

Rahul Mishra

CHAPTERS

(each chapter as individual post)

A long day that's not exactly perfect and kind of crazy!

A Reasonable man, period

It’s called Vanilla talk

Part of its madness, really

Tell you everything I

First assignment

Tell you everything II

She

Tell you everything III

Money, Money, Money

Oh sod it!

Me to the rescue!

Sandra speaks

The age of pain-ness… (Oh… a new word is that?)

Getting it all back together

A face that launched a thousand ships

Cigar for the Don, wine for the lady and you’d better hurry!

EVERYONE's Picking on SOMENE

2006-04-24T13:11:00.000+05:30

Look, it’s not like I had to be fired form the job. There were nine employees who worked in the department store other than me. And that made us ten in all. Used to anyway. Rick thought he’s in charge because he cuts the bill. It’s not that simple really… Rick went to high school while most of us we mugging people or working part time in gasoline stations.

But Rick has a cute face and the ‘blondie’ thought he’s in charge.

The damn owner had hired me as a security guard. Spent my life running away from those guys… now I was one of those guys! But old habits die hard… and ‘blondie’ noticed that a couple of Marlboro packs were missing.

I told him not to mess with me, but ‘blondie’ went ahead anyway… and so I was fired.

See, the way I see it, there are supposed to be two types of people in the world.

The dumb…

The pretty.

The dump people take the shit… the pretty one’s cash in.

And then again, there are also some pretty dumb guys out there who end up in garbage cans or under a grave before they know it.

The problem with the world is too much organization. Organization makes me want to puke! ‘DO THIS! DON’T DO THAT! STAND HERE! GET HIM! GET BACK HERE! RUN AWAY! COME AT EIGHT PM! NO WORK, NO PAY! NO MONEY, NO BOOZE!’

It would be a lot better it we just cut the crap and did what we want and if that sonovabitch Karl Marx wrote a ‘LOGICAL MANIFESTO’ and simply had one axiom… one rule…

“NO RULES!”

The government? Corrupt! The police? Sold! The more rules… the more ways there are to break those rules… to bend those rules. I know how corrupt these guys are. I have done my share of bribery to stay out of jail in the past.

The only way to survive in this world is to stay dumb. Don’t grow brains… don’t grow a conscience! You will regret it.

If you ask me… being dumb keeps you alive and being pretty makes it easier. Being dumb gives you capacity… being pretty gives you opportunity.

It’s like a flash fashion that comes and goes; only not in the clothing… but in the human psyche.

Victoria’s secret will churn out the same lingerie in different colors until the next millennium… but people’s opinion about a particular thing will change in a matter of months. All it needs is the right catalyst.

But you cannot get that fashion of a magazine stand… it doesn’t work that way. GQ will make Jennifer Aniston the MAN OF THE YEAR… that’s not a fashion of the mind… it’s a sick publicity stunt… especially as she poses topless on the cover. That my dear reader is a farce. No… the fashion I talk about is catalyzed by one enlightened mind.

Heard of Plato? Aristotle? What did they do exactly? They wrote philosophy… right? And were teachers? Where are such teachers today? Working as security guards for department stores? Getting fired for taking in one pack of Marlboro too many? Getting reported by ‘blondie’?

For all you know… they may be…

For all I know… they don’t.

The catalyst may be the way the same thing I presented. A poster of Mc Donald’s is so cute. Some would mention… so is the doll ‘Chucky’

But no kid wants Chucky at home… just because of the way the thing I presented. You hear that the neighbors driver shot him dead and there goes your trust in your driver.

It’s more than a fashion really… it’s madness.

The problem with the world is like a fractal… you see what’s wrong with ONE man and iterate the whole thing over and over and you know what wrong with EVERYONE.

ONE man is not getting enough money… ONE man is not sufficiently educated… ONE man is being picked on by his superior because he steals a Marlboro pack… ONE man loses his temper.

EVERYONE is dissatisfied with his earnings… EVERYONE is being picked on by SOMEONE… EVERYONE is losing his temper…

And Uncle Sam is waging war on Iraq…

Know what?

So am I

And what’s more… I already fired my first nine shots.

Everyone is dead in the store.

Now it’s my turn.

It's the beginning

2006-04-22T18:47:00.000+05:30

(Prior Knowledge about the Discworld series of books is not required to follow this topic... but it would help. At any rate... my suggestion is that you read it anyway)

Terry Pratchett rules.
Simple reason. he packs in more laughs and fun that any other author alive.
Wasn't he the best selling British Novelsit Before yours truly Miss Rowling wrote the immensly sucessful Potter Series?
Hey... no offence meant to Miss Rowling... but Potter is just going to be seven books and she writes slow. But Terry... 36 books and counting and two books a year.
I started reading Discworld a year and a half ago. It was mostly due to the weird covers that just grabbed your interest.
Now, the first book i read was one that was seveth in the chronological order... but that didn't matter as the book was completely disconnected to the rest of the series. It was the amazing masterpiece... "PYRAMIDS"
The best... the ultimate best.
From jokes about Quantum Physics to discussions about the rationality of thought if you decided to place your fathers under large slabs of stone... and what would ahppen if you found yourself actually as an undead... all of it was simply a blast to read.

The stories of the Discworld are really not easily characterised. Sure... it's a fantasy world which is shaped as a circular disc that rests on the back of four elephants who actually stand on the back of a giant world Turtle... the Great A'Tuin.

The Discworld is a coool concept.

Terry Pratchett of course is mostly compared with Douglas Adams... while Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy is a Trilogy in five parts... and very, very funny... each book is small... and the series is short. Also... while Adams has written Science Fiction... Terry has written EVERYTHING!!!

Some people i know have stumbled upon the series and stuck with it for only the humor. But there is a lot more...
DEATH forexample speaks in a personified voice... and has a great personality. His adventures mostly mirror a very innocent guy who is confused in this mundane human affairs... More so that Twoflower.

Ah well... am currently reading Book 17 - Interesting Times. Another Ricewind novel.
More on this later...